Steven and Phoebe Chapter 12

It was now nighttime, and Evan and Steven were sitting in a hammock. A family of ducks walked by Phoebe as she was walking up the stairs to the hammock.
"Steven?" Evan said to Steven. "We have to, uh..."
"Don't worry." Said Steven. "You're nice, and someone will give you a job. I would."
"Oh, Steven, come here." Evan said, hugging Steven, and Evan started to sing a song.

If Every Pork-chop Were Perfect
We Wouldn't Have Hotdogs
Sometimes The Hotdog Chain Breaks
But That Doesn't Mean
We Don't Lose What's Important
And That Is Love

Evan grabbed two flowers and the wind took them away. When they went inside, Phoebe lifted Steven's pillow to see what was so special about that photo. The photo depicted Evan and Steven when they were younger. There were also two adults in the photo: a beautiful woman with pink hair and an overwieght man with a 5:00 shadow. They were Steven's parents, Rose Quartz and Greg Universe.
"Those were mom and dad before..." Said Steven. "It was raining and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you push me and break things. Our family's small now, and we don't have that many toys. If you want, you could be a part of it." Phoebe thought she caused enough trouble, so she left through the window, bringing The Ugly Duckling with her. "It's okay." Replied Steven. "I remember everyone that leaves."
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Phoebe was now in the woods with the book in her hands. She put it down, and it opened to the page where the black duck says ‘I'm lost!’
"I'm lost." Said Phoebe. "I'm lost!"
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Meanwhile, Dexter and Eddward finally made it to shore.
"Help!" Said Double D. "I don't like the ocean."
"Look, a friendly little dolphin. They helped sailors in the war. No, it's a shark! It a shark and it ain't friendly! It looks like a dolphin. Tricky fish, tricky fish! Octopus, please help me. Oh, octopus is worse than shark! I hate this planet!" Double D pulled an octopus off his face. Suddenly, his phone started to ring.
"Mr. Eddward!" It was Mr. Harriman.
"Have you caught 2-1-3 or not?"
Double D stood in shock.
"Consider yourself fired and prison bound. Your timing is unspeakable." Mr. Harriman then hung up.
"We're fired." Said Dexter. "Now we get to do it my way!" He then crawled towards Steven's house, with Double D following in pursuit. 
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"I shouldn't have overestimated Daxter and Squidward." Said Harriman.
"Uh, Dexter and Eddward." Corrected Mojo Jojo.
"Whatever." Scoffed Harriman. "The mission is still in jeopardy. Perhaps this is a chance to redeem yourself, Mr. Mojo. What time are you attending to leave?"
"Immediately." Replied Mojo.

Author's Note: The line 'If every pork-chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs' is actually a quote from the show Steven Universe itself. It was in the episode 'Laser Light Cannon'.

The duck family is the mother duck and the ducklings from the Regular Show episodes 'A Bunch of Baby Ducks' and 'A Bunch of Full Grown Geese'.

However, since this story is set AU, the ducklings and mother DO NOT have superpowers nor the ability to speak.
The octopus that attaches itself to Double D's face is the octopus from the Ed Edd n Eddy episode 'Button Yer Ed', in which Eddy temporarily loses his voice, so Ed and Double D decide to seek help and advice from Rolf.
 
The octopus showed up again in the episode 'The Eds Are Coming! The Eds Are Coming!', which was part of Cartoon Network Invaded.

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 11

Steven and Evan sat next to each other in depression. Fionna walked by with a surf board.
"Howzit... Evan?" She said.
"We've been having a bad day." Answered Steven.
“Hmm, maybe surfing could cheer you up."
"I think that's a great idea." Replied Evan.
The brothers, pet, and Fionna then started surfing, though Phoebe was a bit nervous. Fionna grabbed Steven and put him on her surfboard. Phoebe watched the two surf. She was pleased, but Evan kicked Fionna off her surfboard. Steven looked underwater to see the blonde girl.
Evan then started surfing on a wave without falling off the top of the wave. Fionna tried to beat Evan, with Steven still on the board. The two fell overboard, but Phoebe enjoyed it. Phoebe saw the two brothers swim under her board, but she was still nervous.
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The three humans decided to take a break and build a sandcastle. Phoebe buried her legs under the sand and put a leaf on her castle in place of a flag, but it wasn't fun at all. She then asked Steven if he wanted to surf with her.
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"Oh I can't complain, mom." Said Double D, talking on his cell phone. He and Dexter were spying on Phoebe from a palm tree. "I'm camping out with an evicted criminal and had my head chewed on by a monster!"
"Something is not right." Said Dexter. "2-1-3 is returning willingly towards water." Suddenly, Double D felt another phone call: it was Mr. Harriman!
"Mr. Eddward," he said. "I am getting impatient with you both. I want a status report."
"Oh, things are going well. Aren't things going well, Dexter?"
"Why would she risk drowning?" Dexter asked himself.
"Dexter? Help me out here." Pleaded Eddward.
"I would've expected you back by now with 2-1-3 in hand." Said Harriman.
"Well, there's just a few things left to pack, and we'll be..." Dexter put down Double D's antenna on his phone.
"Hang up." Said Dexter. "We are going swimming."
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Steven, Evan, and Phoebe were once again surfing. Phoebe was scared at first, but then she started to enjoy it. Suddenly, Dexter popped out of the water and snatched Phoebe! Fionna saw Evan and Steven crash, so she decided to help them. Dexter got hold of Phoebe, and, since she can't survive in water, she held onto Steven.
"What happened, Evan?" Asked Fionna.
"Phoebe was drowning and dragged Steven down with her!" Replied Evan.
Fionna swam down to rescue Steven, but not Phoebe. Phoebe managed to escape Dexter and Eddward by making a hole Double D’s air tank, sending them flying.
Fionna managed to rescue Phoebe, but when she woke up, she started growling. This was noticed by Dana Tabes.
"I know you're trying," She told Evan. "But you have to think about what's best for Steven, even if it removes you from the picture. I'll be back tomorrow morning to pick him up."
"I really think they had a chance." Fionna said to Phoebe. "Then you came along."
Author's Note: I am aware that Fionna might be afraid of the ocean, like how Finn, Fionna's male counterpart, is afraid of the ocean, but since this story is set AU, I get to make up some of the rules.

Steven and Phebe Chapter 10

Evan was talking to Fionna on the phone. "I think it might be a ferret." He said. "An evil ferret."
"I can't even pet it." He continued. "It looks like it's going to eat me." Evan dropped the phone in shock: Phoebe was in the kitchen! But she just wanted a soda. Phoebe closed the fridge door and went back upstairs, while Fionna was still waiting for Evan to pick up.
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"Now this is intriguing." Said Dexter, still spying on Phoebe.
"What?" Asked Double D, wrapped in bandages.
"2-1-3 was designed to destroy, but now there's nothing to destroy." Replied Dexter. "You see, I never gave her a better purpose. What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories, to visit in the middle of the night?"
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Meanwhile, Phoebe was looking through Steven's bookshelf, but she only managed to find a couple of manga comics. However, there was one book she was interested in: A red book with a black duck. Phoebe woke up Steven to ask about the book.
"That's the Ugly Duckling." He said. "See? He's sad because he's all alone and nobody wants him. But on this page, his family hears him crying and they find him. Then the Ugly Duckling is happy because he knows where he belongs."
Phoebe took the book and brought it to her bed.
"Want to listen to Captain Fantastic?" Steven asked. "You look like an Elton fan."
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The next morning, Steven woke up Evan to show him something. He brought a Phoebe and a record player. Steven took out one of Phoebe's claws and put it on the record. He opened the cat's mouth and the song Philadelphia Freedom played. He closed her mouth and it stopped, but then opened it again and it played again. Suddenly, Evan heard a knock. He rushed out of bed and opened the front door: It was Tabes!
"Heard you lost your job." She said.
"Well..." Evan was at a loss of thought. "I just quit because the boss is just a jerk." Phoebe walked by and noticed the female sheriff. She threw a book at him.
"Hey!" Yelled Dana. Evan grabbed Phoebe.
"I am so sorry about that." He said.
"What is that thing?" Tabes asked.
"That's my kitty!" Responded Steven.
"Really?" Questioned Tabes as she cracked her neck. "Thus far, you have shortened my patience, but I can't ignore your poverty. Do I make myself clear?"
"Perfectly." Replied Evan.
"And the next time I see this cat, I expect it to be a model citizen. Capisce?"
"Yes?" Said Steven.
"New job, model citizen." Enunciated Tabes, and a lens on her shade broke off. "Good day." Said Tabes, and she left.
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Now Evan needed to get a new job and Steven needs to train Phoebe to be like Elton John. The first place they headed for was Fish Stew Pizza.
"Mrs. Nanefua?" Evan asked her. She was feeding anchovies in a fish tank shrimp flakes. "I'm here about your newspaper add."
"Elton John was a model citizen." Said Steven, as he put up a picture of him on the wall. "I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice." He told Phoebe. "Number one is dancing."
"I can't talk now, dearie." Nanefua replied to Evan. "I'm waiting for someone to answer my ad."
"That's why I'm here." Said Evan.
"Hands on your hips." Said Steven. "Now follow me." Steven moved his hip to the left, and Phoebe followed. Phoebe got the hang of it, but accidentally spun into Nanefua, grabbed her, and crashed into the kitchen.
"Why is everything so dark?" Asked Nanefua. Her head was in a giant ball of pizza dough, with Phoebe popping out of the top.
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The next place Evan, Phoebe, and Steven went to was The Big Doughnut.
"I'm all about coffee." Evan said to Sadie.
"Let's move on to step two." Steven said to Phoebe. "Elton played piano." He hands Phoebe an electric keyboard. "Now you try. All you have to do is press the buttons in the right order." Phoebe started playing instrumentals to 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart', but she soon started playing so loud that it broke the windows of the restaurant. Tabes was watching from inside the shop.
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They were now at a hotel owned by a man with a big nose, bright red skin, and pointy ears. He wears no pants or underwear, but thankfully, he never leaves the counter.
"Concierge-ing is my life." Evan said to him. "I just love to answer phones..."
"This is the face of romance." Steven said to Phoebe, walking up to an old man with a huge nose and slightly blue skin. "He looks like he could use some loving." Phoebe walked up to the couch, sat next to the old man, and held his hand.
"Now kiss him." Said Steven. Phoebe kissed the old man, but he got upset. Steven, Phoebe, and Evan rushed out the hotel, with Evan holding onto Steven. Phoebe was trying to catch up.
"I'm sure Elton had his bad days, too." Said Steven. They were heading to the beach now.
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"I'm all about saving people?" Evan asked a female Asian lifeguard, around the same age as Evan.
"Actually, I think we do have an opening." Said Juniper, the lifeguard.
"This is it." Said Steven. He had Phoebe dressed in funny looking clothes. "Time to bring it all together." Steven brought Phoebe over to the sunbathers so she could start performing.
"It's all you! Knock 'em dead!" Shouted Steven, as he plugged in the speakers. Phoebe started playing 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' on the piano, and everyone loved her. Suddenly, they started to take pictures of her WITHOUT turning the flash off. This caused her to go on a rampage, scaring all the beach dwellers away. When Juniper saw her big chair topple over, she decided not to hire Evan.
Author's Notes:  Nanefua, Fish Stew Pizza, and Sadie are all from Steven Universe. Nanefua Pizza is the elderly owner of the restaurant Fish Stew Pizza, while Sadie Miller works at The Big Doughnut. Nanefua looks something like this.

The hotel owner is the Red Guy, the devious naked devil from Cow and Chicken, as well as the companion series I Am Weasel.

The old man in the hotel is Mung Daal, one of the main characters in Chowder. He is best described as a cross between Kermit and Gonzo.

In the original Steven and Phoebe, Nazz, the blonde tomboy from Ed, Edd n Eddy, took the place of the lifeguard Nani talks to. In this updated story, Juniper Lee, from the more obscure Cartoon Network show The Life and Times of Juniper Lee, takes her place.

June (her given nickname) is the one in the middle.

I made this decision because I felt there should be a diverse amount of Cartoon Network cameo appearances. Also, Nazz actually kissed Double D in the episode 'The Day The Ed Stool Still', and that would be a bit weird if she appeared in the story while Double D's an alien.

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 9

When Steven, Phoebe, and Evan made it home, Steven asked Evan "Benson fired you, didn't he?"
"Nah." Replied Evan. "He's a vampire and he wants me to join his legion of the undead." Steven laughed.
"This is going to be a great home, Phoebe!" Said Steven. as they walked into the house. Steven grabbed a pillow.
"See? It's comfy." He said. Phoebe grabbed the pillow and started ripping it.
"Hey, what's the matter with you?" Yelled Evan.
"Be careful of the little angel!" Pleaded Steven.
"It's not an angel Steven. I don't even know if it's a cat." Said Evan. As the two brothers were talking, Phoebe rolled into a ball and rolled into the kitchen. She pulled out a drawer of utensils and spilled them out. She then grabbed the blender, turned it on, and took off the lid.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Asked Steven. "Stop that, Phoebe!" Juice spilled everywhere. Evan grabbed Phoebe and the alien cat started to struggle.
"Look at her, Steven." Said Evan. "She's obviously mutated from something else. We have to bring her back."
"She's an orphan and we adopted her!" Begged Steven. "What about mish maha?"
"She hasn't been here that long!"
"That doesn't matter! Mom said mish maha means family. And family means..."
"Nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." Evan finished. "I hate it when you use mish maha against me." Steven and Evan blew each other raspberries.
Phoebe finally escaped Evan's grip. "Don't worry, you can sleep next to me." Said Steven, as he and Phoebe ran upstairs, while Evan collapsed on the couch.
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When the two made it to Steven's room, Phoebe sniffed around.
"Look how curious the kitty is!" Said Steven. "This is your bed, and this is your dolly and bottle." Steven showed Phoebe a box with Voodoo Guy and a baby bottle in it.
"I filled it with coffee." He said. Phoebe snatched the bottle and drank it.
"Good kitty, now get into bed." He said. However, Phoebe tripped Steven and climbed up to his bed.
"Hey, that's mine!" Steven said, while Phoebe relaxed on a pillow and continued drinking the bottle.
"Down!" Steven commanded. Phoebe trapped Steven with a pillow and noticed a photo from where the pillow was. She dropped the bottle and picked up the photo.
"Be careful with that!" Steven yelled. "Don't touch this! Don't ever touch this!" Steven placed the photo back under the pillow, but then Phoebe started chewing on Voodoo Guy.
"No, he's recovering from surgery!" Phoebe then started scratching a drawing of Elton John.
"No, that's from my pink period!" Yelled Steven. He placed a flower necklace on Phoebe.
"You wreck everything you touch." Steven said to Phoebe. "Why don't you make something for a change?" Phoebe started to build a city out of books, toys, and boxes.
"Wow. Endsville." Replied Steven.
Phoebe then took Steven's lamp of a periwinkle-colored four-armed woman and pulled off the lamp shade. She pretended to be a Japanese movie monster and started knocking down buildings.
"Eek, save me!" Phoebe squeaked, as she put a toy car in her mouth.
"No more caffeine for you." Replied Steven.
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Meanwhile, Dexter and Eddward were once again spying on Phoebe.
"This little boy is wasting his time." Dexter said. "2-1-3 can't ignore her destructive programming." While Dexter was continuing to watch Phoebe wreck havoc, Double D noticed a horsefly on his left arm.
"Look!" He said. "A horsefly has chosen me as her perch. She's magnificent." Suddenly another horsefly landed on him. "Look, another one. And another one! Why there's a whole swarm!" Edd's body started being covered with horseflies. "They love me! Now they're nuzzling my flesh with their noses! Now they're... Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

Author's Notes: The 'periwinkle-colored four-armed woman' is Opal, a fusion of Amethyst and Pearl in Steven Universe.

I know that Rose Quartz is a Gem herself, but in this story, she's a human, too. Also, of all the Gems introduced in the show to date, Rose is the most human of them all.

Endsville was the main location of the controversial Cartoon Network series The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.
 

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 8

When Steven, Phoebe, and Evan were walking down the plaza of Beach City, Phoebe noticed a monster movie playing on a TV in a store. She was intrigued by the B-movie, but Evan pulled her away.
Lars and his friends came by on bicycles, and Lars was riding on a motorcycle.
"My friends!" Steven said, running toward them.
"What do you want, Steven?" Lars asked.
"I'm sorry for hurting you yesterday."
"Apology not accepted." Said Lars. "Now get out of my way before I run you over." Lars freaked out upon seeing Phoebe.
"I got a new cat!" Said Steven. "Her name is Phoebe."
"That thing is disgusting-looking!" Replied Lars. His friends went "Dork! Loser. My mom!"
Phoebe examined the wheels on Lars's motorcycle. "Get that creep away from me! I could get a disease!"
Phoebe then noticed Dexter and Eddward in disguise. She threw Lars off the motorcycle, grabbed Steven, and made a run for it.
"Oh great, she's loose." Said Double D.
"Her destructive programming has taken effect." Dexter said. "She'll be irresistibly prone to backing up sewers, reversing street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe."
Phoebe tried to get off the island, but there was water at every corner.
"It's nice to live on an island with just one city." Steven replied, but Phoebe fainted.
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Later that night, the three of them went to a luau at the park. Fionna, a friend of Evan's, was performing a fire act on the stage, but she got the stage on fire. At a table, Steven colored in a drawing of Phoebe.
"This is you." He said. "This is your badness level. It's unusually high for someone your size. We have to fix that." Evan walked by carrying dishes.
"Steven, you know Benson doesn't like pets at the table." Said Evan.
"Phoebe is troubled." Steven said. "She needs desserts."
"But Steven, you didn't finish your tater tots." Said Evan.
"Desserts!" Evan didn't want to fight, so he went to the kitchen to get a cake.
Fionna walked by with burn marks on her body. "Hey, Fionna!" Said Steven. "I got a new cat!"
"What the flip? Are you sure that's a cat?" Asked Fionna.
"Yep. She used to be a tabby before she got ran over." Evan dropped off two slices of cake. "Yum!" Shouted Steven, before Phoebe gobbled both of them up.
"Hey, that was mine, too!" Said Steven. Phoebe decided to spit them back out and give them to Steven, but he declined in disgust.
When Evan walked by Fionna, she said "Howzit, Evan?" He noticed Fionna's burn marks.
"Did you catch on fire again?" Evan asked.
"No. Just the stage." She answered. "Are you available tonight?"
"Sorry, Fionna, but I have a lot to deal with right now."
"That's cool."
"You smell like a fireplace." They were interrupted by kids screaming.
"Sorry, Fionna, but I have to go now." Said Evan. The kid at Table 3 is throwing vegetables again."
"Don't worry." Said Steven, trying to cheer up Fionna. "He likes your butt and long hair. I know because I read his diary."
Phoebe was bored again, but she smelt something: it was a roasted chicken from outer space! It was actually a trap by Dexter, as he grabbed Phoebe and Eddward tried to hand cuff her. Instead, she managed to bite Double D's head. Thankfully, Evan managed to find her and poured punch on the alien cat's head. She simply bit Double D's head again, so Evan pulled her off the one-eyed alien's head.
"Is that a cat?" It was Benson, the short-tempered groundskeeper of the local park. "How many times have I told you, Evan? No pets at the table! Get that beast off my property or else YOU'RE FIRED!!!"
"Well, who wants to work at this stupid fakey luau, anyway?" Replied Evan. "C'mon, Steven. Let's leave this junk pile they dare to call the park." The three decided to go home for the night.
Author's Notes: The space chicken is a nod to the Courage the Cowardly Dog pilot 'The Chicken From Outer Space'. 

The B-movie playing on the TV in the store is a nod to the 8 Hour Monster Movie Marathon from the Ed, Edd n Eddy episode 'Knock Knock Who's Ed?'.

The tater tots are a reference to the disturbing 'Gym Partner' episode 'Chew On This', in which Adam Lyon is tired of having to eat bugs and twigs (which they serve as lunch at Charles Darwin Middle School) for lunch, so Principal Pixie Frog allows human food at the school, which is unhealthy for the animal students. This I can criticize because there are animals that can eat human food without getting sick, like ants, raccoons, and, even though it's not recommended, seagulls. Also, if Adam was really that hesitant, why couldn't he just resort to eating fish? There are MANY animals that eat fish, including other fish, and humans definitely eat fish.

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 7

When 2-1-3 woke up, she was in a room at an animal shelter with some scared dogs. She tried to shoot them, but her guns were missing. She escaped by walking on the ceiling. Coincidentally, Evan and Steven were also in the animal shelter, talking to Frankie Foster about getting a new pet.
"We want a pet that won't die, a creature that is hardy." Asked Evan.
"Like a lion!" Said Steven.
"Steven, are you nuts? Do we have a lion door? No. We have a dog door. We're getting a dog or cat." Replied Evan.
When 2-1-3 got out of the building, something tried to shoot her! She then heard a familiar voice.
"Dexter?" Said 2-1-3. Dexter and Double D were hiding in the forest. She rushed back inside and went back into that room with the dogs. Steven was in the room, too, trying to find the right pet.
"Hello? Are there any animals in here?" Many dogs and a parakeet were hanging from the very top of the fence, cowering from the alien cat.
2-1-3 had no choice but to hide her back hairs, retract her extra arms, and shrink part of her head. Steven found her and brought the extra-terrestrial to Evan and Frankie.
"All of our pets are available for adoption." Frankie told Evan. When Steven brought 2-1-3 to the two young adults, Frankie shouted "Except that one!"
"What is that thing?" Asked Evan.
"A cat I think. We found it dead this morning."
"It was dead this morning?" 2-1-3 licked Steven's face.
"I like her!" He said.
"Does it have to be this one?" Moaned Evan. 2-1-3 licked her nostril.
"She's good." Responded Steven. "I can tell."
"Well, you'll have to think of a name for her." Said Evan.
"How about... Phoebe?" Asked Steven.
"Phoebe isn't a real name." Said Frankie, but Evan gestured her. "In Switzerland! But here it's good!"
"We'll take her!" Said Evan.
"I wanna buy her!" Said Steven. "Can I have two dollars?"
Evan gave Steven two dollars. Phoebe now belongs to Steven Universe.
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"You're mine now." Said Dexter, getting ready to shoot Phoebe.
"STOP!" Shouted Eddward. "I have found this mission to be far too dangerous! That boy is part of the horsefly's food-chain! Here, educate yourself." Double D handed Dexter a view master.
"Using little boy as shield. That is low even for you!"
Phoebe teased Dexter, and he got really mad. He was about to charge after her, but Double D was holding onto his tail and dragged Dexter into a bush.
Phoebe hissed at the hidden aliens, but Frankie squirted water at her.
"Bad cat, hissing at nothing!" She said.
"You can't shoot and can't be seen!" Double D told Dexter. "Just look at yourself! You look like a monster! We have to blend in."

Author's Notes: The parakeet in the adoption center is actually Mortimer, Kelsey's loyal 'falcon' on Craig of the Creek.

Frankie Foster was a character in Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, in which she was the granddaughter of the adoption center's founder. Mr. Harriman called her Francis, but she preferred to be called Frankie.

The 'scared dogs' in the pet shelter include Saliva, Mandy's dog in The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Big Dog and Little Dog, from the late Hanna-Barbera cartoon 2 Stupid Dogs, Courage the Cowardly Dog, and everyone's favorite mystery-solving mutt, Scooby-Doo.