A Loud Legend Redux Chapter 10

WARNING! Parental guidance is strongly advised for the end of this chapter!

Lincoln, Lynn, Flecko, and Craig just got out of the lake area. Lincoln put make-up on his acne in case someone else saw him. In a dorm, Squidward was arguing with Ronnie-Anne.

"You think your troops are ready to fight?" Squidward asked the Latino teenage girl. "They wouldn't last a minute against the Coons!"

"They completed their training." Said Ronnie Anne.

"Those boys aren't fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain." Said Squidward. "Once Von Strangle reads my report, your troops will never see battle."

"We're not finished!" Demanded Ronnie Anne.

"Be careful, captain." Warned Squidward. "You may be the general's sister, but I am Sarah Dixie's assistant mayor. And by the way, I got that job by myself. You're dismissed." Ronnie Anne walked out of Squidward's dorm, and Lincoln tried to make small talk with her.

"Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch!" Suggested Lincoln. Ronnie Anne just ignored him. "For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain." Ronnie Anne smiled slightly, and continued back to her tent. Craig noticed this and popped out of the grass.

"I saw that." He said.

"What?" Asked Lincoln.

"You like her, don't you?" Asked Craig.

"No!" Protested Lincoln. "I..."

"Yeah, right, sure." Said Craig. "Go back to your tent!" Once Lincoln left, Craig and Flecko were now alone.

"I think it's time we took this war into our own hands." Said Craig. He slithered to Squidward's dorm, and the middle-aged man walked out, ready to bathe in the lake. Once the coast was clear, Craig and Flecko entered the dorm, and Flecko started typing on Squidward's laptop.

"Let me see what you got." Said Craig, reading the computer screen. "'Dear Ms. Santiago, We're waiting for the Coons at the Water Tribe. It would mean a lot if you were to help us out.' And you forgot to say 'And since we're out of sauerkraut, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing us some.' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound more urgent, please! Know what I'm talking about?" Flecko nodded his head in agreement and typed a new letter.

"That's better." Said Craig. "Much better. Now let's print it and go!"

Now that they had the letter, Craig and Flecko needed a mode of transportation, so they went to see Lynn.

"Lynnda, baby." Said Craig." We need a ride." Upon hearing that, Lynn spat at Craig. She was about to spit at Flecko, but then the fly flew off.
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Meanwhile, at the lake, Squidward just finished taking his bath. He dried his body and bald head with two separate towels, while also holding his soaked slippers.

"Insubordinate ruffians." Said Squidward. "You men owe me a new pair of slippers! And I do not scream like a girl." Suddenly, a dog with a cat's face on its butt took a bite out of Squidward's slipper, causing Squidward to scream. On the creature’s back was a dummy of a tall tan general with large muscles, a green shirt, and camouflage-patterned pants. Craig controlled the arms while Flecko controlled the facial features.

"Urgent news for the general." Said Craig, using an Arnold Schwartzanigger-like voice. Squidward couldn't help but stare at the creature the dummy was riding on. "What? Never seen a cross-breed before?" Squidward started directly at where Flecko was, who was cleverly hidden.

"Who are you?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" Responded Craig. "I think the question is, who are you? We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your nose for that, rip it right off your face. But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you." The cat side of the creature climbed up a nearby tree and broke the dummy, but thankfully, Squidward didn't notice it. When Squidward finished reading the letter the dummy gave him, he burst into Ronnie Anne's tent.

"Captain!" Shouted Squidward. "Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!"

"Pack your bags, Flecko." Said Craig, who was watching Squidward from a tree along with Flecko. "We're moving out."

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Soon, Ronnie Anne's troops were heading off to Ontario. Since there were big budget cuts, her troops had to travel by foot. After a whole week of walking, they made to the outskirts of Ontario, and even though it was the beginning of spring, it was still snowy in certain parts of Canada. Even though they had several stops at fast food restaurants and convenience stores, some of the soldiers were still hungry, including Harold and Heffer.

"I'm so hungry right now!" Complained Harold. "What I'd give for a Mr. Fudgey, Purple Flurp, or Cheese Munchies right now!"

"You hungry?" Said Heffer. "I have four stomachs, and two of them are still empty!"

"No need to fret, guys." Said a skinny soldier with a pointy nose, grabbing a piece of snow. "Just grab a piece of snow, sprinkle some condiments on it, and voila! Your own snow cone." Stinky Peterson, the skinny soldier, gave the snow cone to Harold, who spat it out in disgust.

"Yuck!" He said. "Where did you get those packets?"

"I got them from McSpanky's yesterday during one of our stops." Replied Stinky. Heffer then grabbed Harold's cone, and he loved it.

"I don't see what you're complaining about," Said the bovine. "But this tastes great!"

"Could you nitwits pipe down?!" Asked Ronnie Anne. "We're here." Ronnie and her troops were on what remained of the Water Tribe. There were no survivors: Oonski and the Coons killed everyone in the village, even the koi Ta and Lui. What remained was a bunny plush. Lincoln noticed it and put it in his backpack, as it reminded him of his childhood toy Bun-Bun.

"I don't understand." Said Ronnie Anne. "My brother should be here."

"Captain!" Said Squidward. "Look." He pointed at where the Royal Woods Army battled the Coons. The Coons won, and they killed everyone, including Bobby Santiago, the general and Ronnie Anne's brother. She saw Heffer holding a green jacket and a cellphone, with the words 'Bobby Santiago' written on it.

"The general." Said the bovine. Suddenly, Clyde ran up to 'Collin' holding a blue skirt and a cellphone, with the words 'Lori Loud' written on it.

"The general's girlfriend." He said, with tears in his eyes. Both Lincoln and Ronnie Anne placed the remains of their siblings in the room where Ta and Lui would swim.

"I'm sorry." Said Lincoln. After that, the troops marched out of the Water Tribe and into Ontario.

Author's Notes: Flecko typing on the laptop in this chapter is loosely based on a deleted scene in Zootopia, in which Judy Hopps hopped on the keyboards of an elephant's computer to do research on Emmet Otterton, the missing otter.

The idea for sauerkraut came from the Loud House episode 'Changing the Baby'. 

The creature the dummy rides on in this chapter is CatDog, from the rather unusual and somewhat mean-spirited Nicktoon CatDog.

 

The dummy in this chapter is a nod to Jorgen Von Strangle from The Fairly OddParents.

Cheese Munchies were a snack food featured on The Wild Thornberrys, and they were a favorite of Darwin's.

Darwin holding a bag of Japanese Cheese Munchies.

Purple Flurp and McSpanky's are both from Jimmy Neutron. Purple Flurp was a brand of soda that the characters liked to drink, and McSpanky's was a fast-food restaurant similar to McDonald's.

Purple Flurp

McSpanky's

I feel horrible for killing off two Loud House characters in the same chapter. At least now Lori and Bobby will be together forever, similar to the fates of Maya and Zatz in the amazing but heartbreaking Netflix miniseries Maya and the Three.
If you're wondering who Clyde's next crush will be, I will explain in Chapter 14.