Thursday, February 25, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 14

After all that mayhem, Pops finally got Sam and Jenny over. When Rich pulled out Judge Coleman's (animatronic) head, which survived from the explosion, Pops was surprised.

"What the Sam hill happened here?" He asked. "I've been in showbusiness for 60 years, and I've never seen anything like this."
"What is Bob Iger doing here?" Asked Sam.
"He wanted to destroy Puppetown to make room for a Star Wars Land." Said Rich.
"I even have proof!" Said Janice, holding out her cellphone. "I recorded the whole thing on my phone while me and Fozzie were tied up."
"So, it was actually Bob Iger who killed Chuck Beasley?" Asked Sam.
"As well as Kirk Thatcher and my brother." Said Rich.
"But how did the bear's fur get on the rope attached to the safe?" Asked Sam.
"I used fur from Fooozie, not Fozzie, before that buffoon laughed himself to death." Said Iger.
"Mr. Iger," Said Sam, bringing Iger to his car. "As punishment for killing Beaseley and Thatcher, you will be working as an animator at both Walt Disney and Pixar Animation Studios in California for the next five years, even if they're both working on projects at the same time." As Sam drove off, Pops handed Coleman's head to Jenny.
"That's what I call one seriously disturbed puppet." She said. Soon, dozens of Muppets and puppets ran over to look at Beaseley's head.
"Can you make out what it is, Charlie?" Asked Kermit.
"I'll tell you one thing, Flipper Face." Said Charlie McCarthy. "He wasn't a frog."
"Or a ducky." Said Ernie, squeaking his Rubber Ducky.
"Or a dog." Said Rowlf.
"Or a Fraggle." Said Gobo Fraggle.
"Or a bunny!" Said Bean Bunny.
"Or an owl." Said X the Owl.
"Or a tiger." Said Daniel Striped Tiger. As all the puppet characters were debating on what Judge Coleman's head really belonged to, Jenny noticed a stain on Rich's vest.
"What is that, Richie?" She asked.
"It's ink." Said Rich. "Chuck Beasely squirted me with some the other night. Why it's coming out now, I don't know."
"Here's your answer, Richard." Said Fozzie, holding a bottle. "Beasley Brand Disappearing Reappearing Ink! Chuck Beasley was a genius, just like his father!"
"Malarkey!" Said Oscar, popping out of a trash can. "If Chuck Beasely was such a genius, why didn't he leave his will where he could find it? Without it, we'd be lying on the street. And I don't mean Sesame Street." This made Richard think: Disappearing ink? When Janice opened the envelope, it was blank. When Fozzie wrote the love letter, he must've wrote on the will!
"Fozzie?" Said Rich. "Remember that love letter you wrote to Janice at Cyclia? I think you should read it to her now." Rich then handed Fozzie the love letter.
"Sure, Richie." Said Fozzie, as he started reading the letter. "'What's a three-letter word to describe the perfect wife? Y-O-U!'" Suddenly, more words appeared. "'I, Chuck Beasley, of sound, mind, and body,' It's the will! 'Do hereby bestow the property known as Puppetown to those lovable characters, the Muppets!" Everyone cheered when they heard the announcement, and Lady Elaine even kissed Charlie on the cheek.
"Hey, Richie!" Said Fozzie. "That was a pretty funny dance you did for the Moopets. Do you think your days of being a grouch are over?"
"I hope not!" Said Oscar.
"Only time will tell." Replied Rich.
"Yeah, well, give me a shake!" Said Fozzie, extending his paw, but when Rich shook, he got shocked, making everyone gasp. Rich wasn't really happy with that. "Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already."
"Does this answer your question?" Asked Rich, giving Fozzie a tight hug. "Bear hug." Everyone cheered when they heard that, with the penguins throwing themselves in the air with excitement.
"C'mon, Fozzie." Said Janice. "Let's go home. It's late."
"I think I'll hibernate until Thanksgiving." Said Fozzie. With that, the Muppets and puppets all started singing.
Fozzie: We've had comedy
Janice: We've had mystery
Rich: We've had a real good time and solved a crime real easily
Everyone: Hey, a movie!
Oscar: I just can't believe they did it!
Everyone: Starring everybody
Rich: And me.
Jenny: There was spectacle
Pops: There was fantasy
Rizzo: Where they took a chance and saw romance end happily
Rich: In a movie!
Piggy: I just love happy endings
Kermit: One for everybody
Charlie: Everybody
Scooter: Everybody
Bobo: Everybody
Fozzie: Everybody
Janice: Everybody
Everyone: Everybody in the world
Rich: And me.
Jenny: And me.
Fozzie: And me!
Janice: And me.
Pops: And me.
Rizzo: And me!
As everyone finished singing and started heading home, Statler and Waldorf started talking to each other.
"What did you think of the story?" Asked Statler.
"Well, it was better than The Happytime Murders!" Said Waldorf, and they both laughed.
THE END
Author's Notes: Daniel Striped Tiger was another character on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood who appeared in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. He was a shy tiger who lived in a clock and went to school with a platypus named Ana and King Friday XIII's son, Prince Tuesday. Much like how Kermit and Rowlf were extensions of Jim Henson, Daniel was an extension of Fred Rogers, as he was able to express his feelings through the tiger.
X (another Mr. Roger's character) is a blue owl who lives in a tree next to a cat named Henrietta. X loves to read and learn and regularly gets lessons from the Owl Correspondence School (OCS for short).
It would be a running gag in the Muppets that whenever penguins were happy, they'd throw themselves in the air. As Brian Henson put it, if you can't get the comedy out, you either eat something, blow something up, or throw penguins in the air.
Penguins mtm
Bean Bunny was a Muppet who made his debut in the 1986 Easter special 'The Tale of the Bunny Picnic'. According to 'The Muppets Character Encyclopedia', when the other Muppets were tired of being cute, they leant all the cuteness to Bean Bunny.
BeanBunny-Portrait
Bean's other appearances included The Jim Henson Hour, Muppet*Vision 3D, The Muppet Christmas Carol, some specials, and even Muppet Babies!
Gobo was the most adventures of the five main Fraggles on Fraggle Rock. He was adventurous, clever, and kind, though he would sometimes get his friends in trouble. He was a bit like Tommy from The Rugrats, except he was older and didn't have any known parents. Puppeteer Jerry Nelson (who performed Gobo) described him as a 'slighter older Robin the Frog'.
GoboFraggle-playinginstrument.jpg

Monday, February 22, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 13

With all five Moopets defeated, Rich ran over to the Mega Shredder to turn it off, which was seven feet away from Fozzie and Janice. Right before Rich could turn off the machine, Tex Coleman knocked him off and got out a sword. Rich saw some swords lying around, so he grabbed one, only for it to wilt due to the effects of Muppet Labs All-Purpose Tenderizer. Rich threw the sword aside and grabbed a magnet, using it to try to grab Coleman's sword. Coleman, however, used his sword's magnetism to attract a drum to it, trapping Rich.

"Don't move." Said Coleman, getting out a Muppet Labs crushing machine. As the machine approached Rich, he tried to struggle free, but nothing happened. He then grabbed a Muppet Labs Exploding Hat and placed it on the magnet, making it explode. Rich got out of the way and got a bottle of Muppet Labs Super Adhesive. He lured Coleman to the crusher, sprayed some on Coleman's shoes, and rolled out before he could get crushed. Rich rushed over to the Mega Shredder and turned it off, which was four feet away from shredding the two Muppets.
"I wasn't worried." Said Fozzie. "Were you?" As everyone watched Judge Coleman get crushed, they were surprised to see a metal endoskeleton be exposed.
"Holy smokes, he's a puppet!" Said Rich, as the crusher slowly rose up.
"I prefer the term animatronic." Said 'Coleman', as he got up to get himself repaired.
"That makes sense, now." Said Rich, as Coleman was rebuilding himself. "Tex's last name is Richman, not Coleman, and he's in California. Also, Richman was an oil baron, not a theme park baron." When Coleman finished rebuilding himself, Rich identified the being: He had robotic movements and photorealistic eyes. It was the same animatronic who killed Paul! All that was missing was a Muppet-like voice.
"Remember me, Richard?" Coleman asked, starting to sound like Waldorf. "I am the one who killed your brother!" Rich started running, but as soon as he made it to the Mega Shredder, Coleman threw him to the floor and turned the Mega Shredder back on. When Rich got up, Coleman threw a punch at him that sent him flying ten feet backwards. With Rich on the floor, Coleman got out a chainsaw and threatened to kill him with it. Rich lunged out of the way and saw something helpful: A pig whistle. He blew into the whistle, and Miss Piggy, not Poogy, burst through the factory, and Coleman turned off his saw.
"Anyone called for moi?" She asked. "And who's that creep with the chainsaw?"
"I called you, Piggy." Said Rich. "And long story short, Judge Coleman is actually an animatronic, and he wants to destroy Puppetown and kill everyone who lives there to make room for a Star Wars theme park."
"That means you would've killed my frog!" Shouted Piggy, and ran over to Coleman and karate chopped him right into the Puppet Shredder. However, he didn't get shredded, and the machine got jammed.
"No!" Said an unknown voice. The Puppet Shredder turned itself off, inches away from Fozzie and Janice, and out came Disney CEO Bob Iger. "What did you do with my machine? No destruction company would want to destroy a place where their childhood companions lived! Now Star Wars Land will never be made!"
"So, you're the one who thought of the Star Wars Land concept." Said Rich.
"That's right." He said. "Nobody cares about the Muppets anymore, but Star Wars is still loved by millions! And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids."
"Save it for someone who cares." Said Piggy, tying Iger up with rope. "Go, Mr. Jewel! Save your friends!" First, Richard had to destroy the Mega Shredder. He grabbed a box of Exploding Clothes and poured them onto the Shredder. He jumped off the machine before it blew up, creating an explosion powerful enough to destroy the wall that bordered Puppetown. On the other side were Fraggles, singing, dancing, and playing games.
"How are we supposed to get down?" Asked Fozzie. Rich grabbed a remote control that controlled the hook. He lowered the hook down until Fozzie and Janice were on the ground. He untied them, and they were happy.
"Thanks, Richie!" Said Fozzie. "That was a close shave. I thought that our rubber chicken was cooked!"
"Fozzie!" Said Janice, hugging the bear. "You were a magnificent pillar of strength!"
Author's Notes: In the Paul Williams episode of The Muppet Show, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew introduces an All-Purpose Tenderizer. It could tenderize anything, including a ladle, a dish, and even the table.
In the Gilda Radner episode of The Muppet Show, Bunsen and Beaker test out a super adhesive that was so strong, it got stuck to everyone!
304 closing
Coleman's crushing machine is inspired by Bunsen and Beaker testing pressure in the Muppets NOW episode 'The I.T. Factor'.
MuppetsNow-S01E05-SquishedSignedBaseball
Bunsen crushing Beaker's Babe Ruth-signed baseball.

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 12

Meanwhile, Pops and Fozzie had arrived at the Gags Beasely factory entrance.

"Pops," Said Fozzie. "You go get help. I'm going to save Janice!"
"Just be careful, sonny!" Warned Pops, and he drove off to find Sam and Jenny. Fozzie tried going into the factory by door and through the windows, but they were both locked.
"Guess I have to use the chimney." He said. Fozzie climbed up the factory building, walked towards the chimney, tore off the cover, and tried fitting himself down the chimney. However, he was stuck.
"This will take a while." Said Fozzie.
----------------------------------------------------------
Back inside the factory, Coleman unveiled his ultimate weapon, which was covered under a cloak.
"Allow me to show you my latest invention." He said, pulling the curtain off to reveal a cross between a lawnmower, a bulldozer, and a wrecking ball. "This is the Mega Puppet Shredder! It slices! It smashes! It plows puppets! With this device, Puppetown will be destroyed in a matter of minutes."
"Won't anyone notice Puppetown's disappearance?" Asked Rich.
"Who would want to know what happened to some talking dolls when they could be riding a rollercoaster?" Asked Coleman. "I am planning on a new theme park based on the most popular sci-fi movie franchise of all time: I call it Star Wars Land. Imagine it. There will be a Dagobah waterpark, a Millennium Falcon rollercoaster, an updated Star Tours, a Cantina restaurant, and yards and yards of meet-and-greet characters, far as the eye can see! My god, it will be beautiful."
"That explains why you killed Beasley and Thatcher." Said Rich. "But why did you buy the taxi service?"
"You're the detective." Said Miss Poogy. "You figure it out!" Suddenly, Fozzie fell on top of Kermoot, and he was angry.
"Alright, everyone!" Said Fozzie, grabbing a sharpened banana. "Nobody move!"
"Put that banana down, you unfunny ursine!" Demanded Coleman.
"That's it, Coleman!" Shouted Fozzie. "Give me another excuse to shove a banana up your ear! We Muppets may act silly, but we're not stupid! We demand justice! The true meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks." Poogy just punched Fozzie.
"Save it for the Judge, bear rug!"
"Tie the lovebirds together and hang them on that hook." Said Coleman, and the Moopets tied up Fozzie and Janice and hung them on a hook 10 feet apart from the Mega Shredder.
"Oh, Fozzie." Said Janice. "You were magnificent."
"Was I really?" Asked Fozzie.
"Better than Mortimer." She replied. As the Moopets got the Mega Shredder ready, Coleman walked over to Rich.
"It's over, Mr. Jewel." He told him, and as he walked away, he slipped on a banana peel, making the Moopets laugh hysterically again. "Stop that laughing! One of these days, you'll laugh yourselves to death!" This gave Rich an idea.
"What should I do with Richard, boss?" Asked Miss Poogy, pointing a gun at him.
"Let him watch his friends get shredded, then shoot him." Ordered Coleman.
"With pleasure." Said Poogy, as the Moopets started giggling maniacally.
"Everything's funny to you, bacon breath?" Rich asked Poogy.
"You have a problem with that, Richard?" She asked.
"No." Said Rich, walking over to an old Vendawish machine. "I just want to tell you about the bear you're gonna shred." He deposited a quarter into the machine, and it started talking.
"Hello." Said Vendawish in a robotic voice. "I am Vendawish. You have deposited a coin, and I will answer any wish you may have."
"Play a silly song for me, please." Said Rich.
"Request granted." Said the machine, and it started playing 'Merry-Go-Round Broke Down'.
"Now, Fozzie is his name." Rich sang. "And laughter is his game. Come on, you dope. Untie your rope, or else, I'm gonna maim." Rich started dancing, and the Moopets started laughing again.
"He's lost his marbles." Said Janice.
"I don't think so." Said Fozzie, as Rich grabbed three bowling balls and started singing again.
"This singing ain't my line." He continued. "It's tough to make a rhyme. If I get stuck, I'm out of luck, I'm..."
"We're running out of time!" Said Janice.
"Thanks." Said Rich, as he threw the balls into the air and failed to catch them each time. This made the Moopets laugh their heads off. Rich then used a pogo stick to bounce into the air and get electrocuted by the ceiling lamp. The Moopets laughed so hard that Roowlf and Foozie literally died laughing.
"Dogs go in and out." Rich continued. "Whales have got to spout. Without that gun, I'll have some fun, and punch you in the..." Vendawish threw a pie at him.
"Stomach!" Said Fozzie.
"Stomach?" Said Poogy. "That doesn't rhyme with spout!"
"No," Said Rich. "But this does." He punched Poogy in the snout, sending her flying as she hit the Mega Shredder and got sliced into fuzzy ham. Poogy's demise made Kermoot and Janooce die laughing.
Author's Notes: I am, in no way, insulting Star Wars fans in this story. I just think that Disney cares more about that property than the Muppets.
Mortimer Snerd is another Edgar Bergan creation. While Charlie McCarthy is a smart Alec, Mortimer is as dumb as a brick, almost like Goofy.
Mortimersnerd
Fozzie Bear with Mortimer on The Muppet Show.
The sharpened bananas in this chapter are a reference to the Crystal Gale episode of The Muppet Show, in which Bunsen and Beaker invent a banana sharpener.
BananaBeaker
On rare occassions on The Muppet Show, there would be a vending machine Muppet named Vendaface (Vendawish in the Leslie Uggams episode). He would give Muppets face-lifts, but the outcome isn't always what they expect.
Vendaface

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 11

Later, Rich was walking through an alley in Puppetown. He gave out a sneeze, and a voice said "Bless you."

"Thank you." Said Rich. It was a shadow who said 'bless you'.

"Richard." Said a voice. It was Janice, holding a slingshot. "Behind you!" She shot a rock at the shadow, and it dropped a gun.

"Drop the slingshot, lady!" Demanded Rich, holding his toy gun.

"I saved your life, and you still don't trust me?" Asked Janice.

"I don't trust anyone except my wife!" Said Rich.

"Not even your own eyes?" Asked Janice. "That was the gun that killed Kirk Thatcher, and Tex Coleman pulled the trigger."

"Coleman?" Asked Rich.

"I followed him to the studio," Janice explained. "But I was too late to stop him."

"That's right!" Said Judge Coleman, running away from them. "You'll never stop me! You're dead! You're both dead!"

"No!" Shouted Rich. He brought out his gun and pulled the trigger, but out came a flag that said 'bang'.

"There's no time for joking around!" Said Janice. "Follow me!" She grabbed Rich's hand and ran over to her car, only to find out it's not there. "Oh no. Where's Fozzie?"

"Fozzie?" Asked Rich. "He chickened out on me back at the studio."

"No, he didn't." Said Janice. "I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk so he wouldn't get hurt."

"Makes perfect sense." Said Rich.

"How about we use your car?" Asked Janice.

"I don't have a car." Said Rich. "I stole a bicycle from the studio to get here. Do you know who took your car?"

"Judging from the trail of orange fur," She said. "It was probably Fozzie. My teddy bear was never a good driver."

"A better lover than a driver, huh?" Asked Rich.

"You better believe it." Said Janice. Suddenly, the two of them heard a siren. "Oh, no! It's the Moopets! Let's take Woodland Road."

"No," Argued Rich. "Woodland Road is this way!" In the nick of time, Pops arrived with Fozzie's Studebaker.

"You need a lift?" He asked, "Come on in!" Rich and Janice went inside the car, and Pops hit the gas. While Pops was driving through the tunnel out of Puppetown, Rich asked Janice a few questions.

"How long have you known it was Coleman?" He asked.

"Before Chuck Beasley was killed," She explained. "He told me that the Judge wanted to get his hands on Puppetown, and he wouldn't stop at anything."

"So, he gave you the will for safekeeping?" Rich asked.

"That's what he told me." Said Janice. "Except when I opened the envelope, there was only a blank piece of paper inside."

"Joker til the end." Remarked Rich.

"Where to, children?" Asked Pops. "I don't have all day!"

"I have to find Fozzie." Said Janice. "I'm worried to death about him."

"Seriously," Asked Rich. "What do you see in that guy?"

"He's compassionate." Replied Janice. When they finally exited the tunnel, Coleman knocked over a drum of oil, making Pops spin out of control until the Studebaker hit a telephone poll.

"What an unfortunate accident." Said Coleman, staring at Rich and Janice. "Nothing more treacherous than a slippery road, especially when the driver is a lazy old man who's only good at sleeping." The Moopets finally caught up with Rich and Janice, and they got out of the car to await Coleman's orders.

"Don't just stand there." Said the Judge. "Put them in my car. I think they'll enjoy attending the ribbon-cutting at the gag factory." The Moopets grabbed Rich and Janice and placed them in Coleman's 1949 Ford Super De Luxe and drove off to the factory, while the Moopets went in their smaller car and followed in pursuit. Pops just sat in the car and face-palmed himself.

----------------------------------------------------------

A couple minutes later, Coleman, the Moopets, Rich, and Janice arrived at the gag factory. Janooce and Roowlf were digging a hole to the other side of Puppetown, while Miss Poogy, Kermoot, and Foozie searched Rich for the will.

"Did you find the will yet?" Asked Coleman.

"We searched Richard, boss." Said Poogy. "He doesn't have the will. Only a stupid love letter."

"Then frisk Janice!" Demanded Coleman.

"I'll do this, boss." Said Kermoot, walking over to Janice. He searched through her hair, but out came a fishing net. This made the other Moopets laugh at his humiliation.

"Nice hair net." Commented Rich.

"I guess that you didn't find the will." Said Coleman, walking towards the Moopets, Janice, and Rich. "No matter. I doubt if that will is gonna show up in the next fifteen minutes, anyway."

"What happens in the next fifteen minutes?" Asked Rich.

"Puppetown will be owned by me." Answered Coleman. "Every last cent."

--------------------------------------------

Back at the entrance of Puppetown, Fozzie was driving in Janice's car, a rainbow-colored Studebaker, and saw Pops in the old Studebaker.

"Pops!" He said in shock. "Is that you?"

"Yes, it is!" Answered Pops. "I have some important news for you!"

"What is it?" Asked Fozzie.

"Coleman grabbed your friends and took them to the gag factory!" Said Pops. "Also, I broke your car. Sorry."

"That's okay, Pops." Said Fozzie. "C'mon, let's save my wife and Richie and stop whatever plan Tex Coleman has up his sleeve!" Pops got in the car and Fozzie started driving.

----------------------------------------------

Back at the factory, Roowlf and Janooce finished digging the hole to Puppetown.

"Puppetown's on the other side of the wall, boss!" Said Roowlf.

"You see, Mr. Jewel?" Asked Coleman. "The successful conclusion of this case draws the curtains on my role as judge in Puppetown. I'm retiring to take a new role in the private sector."

"That wouldn't be Triple M Industries, would it?" Asked Rich.

"You're looking at the sole stockholder." Replied Coleman.

Author's Notes: In The Muppet Movie, to help avoid Doc Hopper, the Electric Mayhem paints Fozzie's Studebaker with crazy colors.

Studebaker painted

Also in The Muppet Movie, after the Studebaker and Gonzo's truck hit each other, the Muppets exchange both of their cars for a 1949 Ford Super De Luxe.

Ford Woody

Sunday, February 14, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 10

Rich and Fozzie ran as fast as they could to the Muppet Studios to find Kirk Thatcher.

"Let's forget it." Said Fozzie. "There's nobody here but them chickens." He then pointed to a chicken coop.
"Is that it, or are you just scared?" Asked Rich.
"Me, scared?" Fozzie asked. "Don't be ridiculous!" He then started biting his fingernails. "When you called Mr. Thatcher, you told him you have the will, but you don't. When he finds out, he's gonna get mad, and might even want to kill you!"
"Okay, you can stay here." Rich told the bear. "Cover my back while I'm inside. If you hear or see anything, squeeze the horn twice." He handed Fozzie a bicycle horn left over from a Muppet project.
"That's a great plan!" Said Fozzie. "Squeeze the horn twice and cover your back! I've been a police officer on The Muppet Show before, so criminals beware!" However, Janice hit him with a frying pan and stored him in the trunk of her car.
Meanwhile, inside Thatcher's office, he was waiting for the will, and he secretly had a sword as a weapon. Rich snuck behind him and tapped his shoulder, making him scream.
"Hi-ho." Rich said. "Richard Jewel here."
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Asked Thatcher.
"You need to have a heart before you can have an attack." Replied Rich.
"Do you have the will?" Asked Thatcher, and Rich gave him a piece of paper. However, Thatcher was not pleased.
"'What's a three-letter word to describe the perfect wife? Y-O-U'?" He read. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"No, this is!" Said Rich, grabbing a bottle of seltzer water and spraying Thatcher with it. He then punched the Muppet CEO and pinned him to the ground.
"What are you gonna do to me?" Asked Thatcher.
"I'm going to listen to you spin the Triple M scenario," Explained Rich. "A story of greed, love, and murder. And the parts that I don't like, I'm going to cut out." He pulled out Thatcher's sword and placed it dangerously close near this throat.
"You got it all wrong, Jewel!" Pleaded Thatcher. "I'm a puppet show executive, not a murderer!"
"Everybody has to have a hobby." Said Rich, getting ready to slice Thatcher's throat.
"Alright, I'll talk!" He pleaded. "The truth is I had a chance to sell the Muppets New York division, but Triple M wouldn't buy my property unless Beasley sold some of his! The stubborn smoo head wouldn't sell! So I was going to blackmail Beasley with him and the bear's wife. Blackmail, that's all! I've been around puppets all my life! I don't want to see them get destroyed!"
"Puppets destroyed?" Asked Rich. "Why?" Little did Rich know that a gun was poking through the window.
"If I tell you, I'm a dead man!" Said Thatcher.
"You're a dead man if you don't tell me!" Threatened Rich.
"Unless Beasley's will shows up by midnight tonight," Thatcher explained. "Puppetown will be destroyed to make room for..." Before Thatcher could finish, someone shot him and killed him. Rich skillfully dodged the bullets and looked out the window: It was Janice, and she must've killed Kirk Thatcher! Janice drove off, with Fozzie in tow, and headed straight to Puppetown. Rich grabbed a bicycle (which had a toy gun in the basket) to catch up with Janice, and upon following Fozzie's shedding fur, arrived at the entrance of Puppetown. When he drove inside, Kermit appeared outside the 'O' of the word 'Puppetown'.
Kermit: Welcome to Puppetown, with our very special guest star, Mr. Richard Jewel! Yay!
Annie Sue, Miss Mousey, Rosita, and Mokey Fraggle: It's time to play the music!
It's time to light the lights!
It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight!
Beauregard, Beautiful Day Monster, Telly Monster, and Rowlf: It's time to put on makeup!
It's time to dress up right!
It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight!
Waldorf: Why do we always come here?
Statler: I guess we'll never know.
Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture
Both: To have to watch the show!
Statler: At least that stupid bear won't be on tonight!
Scooter: Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear won't be here tonight, so here's our back-up comedian, Fozzie Pig!
Statler and Waldorf: Oh no!
Fozzie Pig: What do you get when you put sugar on hamburger? Sweet-ish meatballs!
Kermit: To introduce our guest star
That's what I'm here to do!
So it really makes me happy
To introduce to you...
Mr. Richard Jewel! (lights were shown on Rich riding his bicycle) And now let's get thing started
Muppet ensemble: On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational
This is what we call The Muppet Show!
(Gonzo blew his horn, only to have a cannonball shoot out and hit Rich on the head, knocking him unconscious)
When Rich woke up, he was back in Puppetown, which was a hodge-podge of Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, The Neighborhood of Make-Believe (from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood), and more. He saw what appeared to be Janice in the window of a tall building. Rich went inside, pressed a button for the elevator, and was surprised to see who the operator was: Grover.
"Hello, there!" He said. "Lovable little friend Grover here. Do you wish to use the elevator?"
"Yes, please!" Said Rich, as he walked into the elevator. "Top floor, please!"
"Do you want me to count the floors we pass by?" Asked Grover.
"No, thank you." Replied Rich.
"Wise thinking." He said. "Not many preschoolers can count to 450 in one sitting. Make sure to hold onto a railing!" Grover pressed the button with the number 450 on it, and the elevator went up very quickly. After ten seconds, Rich and Grover arrived at the 450th floor.
"Here's your floor, good man." Said Grover. "Have a good day!" Rich walked towards the room where Janice could be and looked through the keyhole. However, it wasn't Janice, but the mischievous big-nosed Lady Elaine Fairechild.
"I feel someone at my door!" She said. "Boomerang Toomerang Soomerang!" Upon saying those words, the door disappeared. "You can't escape from me!" Elaine started chasing Rich throughout the floor. Rich tried to hide himself in a closet, only to find out that there was no floor! Rich started falling, and continued to do so until he grabbed onto a poll. This woke up The Count von Count, and he examined the fingers.
"Look, fingers!" He said, and he started plucking the fingers one by one to count them. "One, one finger. Ha ha ha! Two, two fingers. Ha ha ha! Three, three fingers! Ha ha ha! Four..." When the Count plucked the fourth finger, Rich started falling again.
"Four, four fingers!" Claimed the vampire, giving his signature laugh. "Sorry!" While Rich was falling, he noticed two very famous puppet characters sky-diving together: Kermit the Frog and Charlie McCarthy.
"Hi-ho. Kermit the Frog here." Greeted the amphibian.
"And who are you?" Rich asked Charlie.
"I'm Charlie McCarthy." Said the wooden doll. "I was created back when your parents were kids! Why are you sky-diving without a parachute? You could get killed!"
"Do either of you have a spare?" Asked Rich.
"Uh, Charlie does." Said Kermit.
"Yeah," Said Charlie. "But I don't think you want it."
"I do, I do!" Pleaded Rich. "Give it to me!"
"Okay, sonny." Said Charlie, handing Rich a package. "Whatever you say. Here's the spare."
"Thank goodness." Said Rich, opening the package, but it wasn't a spare parachute: It was a spare tire! "Oh no! Aaaahhhhh!!!!!"
"That was a rotten trick, Charlie." Said Kermit.
"Yeah, but someone had to do it." Charlie snickered. As Rich was about to plummet to his doom, he heard those three words again. "Boomerang Toomerang Soomerang!" A large bed appeared where Rich would've crashed, it was Lady Elaine who did it.
"Now that I saved your life, toots," She said. "How about a few kisses?"
"How about if I try hooking you up with Charlie McCarthy?" Rich suggested.
"That's a thought." Said Elaine.
Author's Notes: Lady Elaine Fairechild was a character on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. She was one of the many puppet characters who inhabited the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, and was the town's local trouble-maker. She also ran the local Museum-Go-Round and had a magic artifact called the Boomerang-Toomerang-Soomerang. Despite her mischievous antics, Lady Elaine can be a strong independent woman that can serve as a good female role model for young kids.
In the Cloris Leachman episode of The Muppet Show, pigs take over the show and replace all the non-pig characters with pig doppelgangers. Fozzie Bear was replaced with Fozzie Pig, who sounded a bit like Lew Zealand.
Fozzie Pig's meatball joke came from this hilarious sketch from the forgotten special 'The Muppets Go To the Movies'.
Rosita is a Hispanic light blue Muppet on Sesame Street introduced in the early 90s. She was used to teach kids about Hispanic culture and Spanish words.
Rosita2
Annie Sue was Miss Piggy's occasional rival on The Muppet Show. She was younger and more talented than Piggy, but didn't have the feisty personality of the famous pig.
AnnieSue306
Before The Muppet Show, Kermit's love interest was a mouse named Miss Mousey, who made her debut on The Muppets Valentine Show.
Miss mousey and kermit
Beautiful Day Monster is a blue rectangular Muppet who first appeared on a sketch on The Ed Sullivan Show, in which he tormented a little girl (who was also a Muppet). He would also appear on The Muppet Show and early episodes of Sesame Street.
My Favorite Muppet of the Day: Day Two | Muppet Fans Who Grew Up - Tough  Pigs Muppet Fans Who Grew Up – Tough Pigs
Of the five main Fraggles on Fraggle Rock, Mokey was the oldest and most caring of them all. She loved painting, writing in her diary, and meditating, and would serve as the den mother of the group.
Mokey.jpg
Telly Monster is a Sesame Street Muppet who's obsessed with triangles. When he made his debut over 40 years ago, however, he was obsessed with television. They changed him soon after because Sesame Workshop felt that he'd be a poor role model for kids. This what Telly looked like back then...
And this is what he looks like now.

Saturday, February 13, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 9

When Rich and Fozzie made it outside, Rich tried to hijack the Moopets' car, but it was too small, and there was no key.

"Let me out, you cheap knockoffs!" Shouted a voice from inside the trunk, and Fozzie soon recognized that voice.
"Pops?" He asked, "Is that you?"
"Who else, Brewster?" He asked. Rich opened the trunk, and out came Pops, a yellow elderly Muppet.
"That's much better." He said. "I can't believe they arrested me for driving on the sidewalk!"
"Sorry if I'm ruining the reunion," Said Rich. "But how are we gonna get away if the car's too small?"
"I know someone who can help." He said, giving a whistle. "Hey, Sweetums! Could you bring it over?" Sweetums then arrived on the scene pushing a tan 1951 Bullet Nose Commander Studebaker.
"My Studebaker!" Said Fozzie. "Come on, Richard! Get in!" Rich got in the car and sat in the driver's seat.
"I'll drive." Claimed Rich.
"But I wanna drive." Said Fozzie.
"No, I'll drive." Said Pops, pushing Rich into the passenger's seat. "I'm older than the both of you combined!" Fozzie soon got in the car, and the three of them drove off. However, this didn't go unnoticed by the Moopets.
"They sprung the Studebaker!" Said Miss Poogy. "Let's go, losers!" They got in their gold car and started chasing Rich, Fozzie, and Pops.
"Guys, we have company!" Said Fozzie, pointing at the Moopets. Pops was mindlessly driving in between two cars, leaving the car scraped on one side.
"Now, that's what I call a road rash." Said Pops. Suddenly, Fozzie felt something go through his hat. It was a bullet, and Poogy was trying to shoot him!
"I'm gonna kill him and turn him into a bearskin rug!" She said, but Foozie was revolted. "No hard feelings, Foozie." When Pops was driving, he was about to hit a bus.
"Pops, watch out for that bus!" Fozzie pleaded, and Pops took a hard turn and started driving left. Little did they know that the cops started following them on motorcycles!
"Pops, there's cops right behind us!" Shouted Fozzie.
"Not for long, Fozzie!" Said Pops, driving backwards into an alley. "Now they're right in front of us!" When they turned around, the Moopets were driving into Rich, Fozzie, and Pops. The three of them were now within a rock and a hard place, either get arrested by the police or get captured by the Moopets.
"Press the button!" Pleaded Fozzie, and Pops pressed the windshield wiper button. "No, the other button!" Pops pressed another button, and it turned the radio on. "No, the other other button!" Pops pressed yet another button, and it turned the AC on. "Let me press it!" Frustrated, Fozzie leaned over to the driver's seat and pressed the 'Travel By Map' button. This made the three of them vanish from the car wreck and immediately arrive at Broadway, which was playing a musical adaptation of Planet of the Apes.
"The Moopets will never find us in here!" Said Fozzie. "Thanks for the lift, Pops!"
"If you ever need a ride," Said Pops. "Just give a whistle!" Rich and Fozzie then went inside the theater and saw the Planet of the Apes musical.
-----------------------------------------
In the theater, everyone was laughing and applauding at how ridiculous the musical was. Fozzie, especially.
"This is great, Richie!" He said. "This is one of the best non-Muppet parodies I've ever seen!" Rich then grabbed Fozzie and started scolding him.
"We're supposed to be hiding!" He said. "What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with you?" Asked Fozzie. "You're the only person in this theater who isn't laughing! I have a joke that made even Statler and Waldorf crack up, so it should work on you! Two bananas are walking down the street, and one banana says..." Fozzie looked at Rich, and he wasn't even smiling. "Tough crowd. What could've possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?"
"Want to know why?" Asked Rich, and the bear nodded. "A puppet killed my brother."
"A puppet?" Fozzie asked. "No."
"That's right." Said Rich, as he started explaining his backstory. "A puppet. Years ago, Paul and I liked working in Puppetown. Thought it was a lot of laughs. We were investigating a robbery at the Puppetown Bank, who were reported to have lost 14 million dollars. We trailed the robber to a corner, but he got the drop on us. Literally. He dropped a piano on us from fifteen stories. I broke my arm, but Paul never made it. I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standing over me laughing with his robotic movements, photorealistic eyes, and Muppet-like voice." When Rich finished the story, Fozzie started crying.
"No wonder you hate me!" Fozzie bawled. "If a puppet killed my brother, I'd hate me, too!"
"Come on, don't cry." Said Rich. "I don't hate you."
"Yes, you do." Fozzie sobbed. "And all those times you dragged me around!"
"No, I don't hate you." Said Rich. "And I'm sorry for dragging you around."
"All the times you dragged me around?" Asked Fozzie.
"All the times I dragged you around." Answered Rich.
"Apology accepted." Said Fozzie. Suddenly, the play was done, and the announcer had something to say.
"As we prepare for our next play," Said the announcer. "Here are trailers for movies coming out soon!" A movie projector then started playing trailers for upcoming movies. As Fozzie was watching the trailers, Jenny walked into the theater to speak to Rich.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I wanted to tell you that I got fired." She said.
"Sorry to hear that." Said Rich. "Who's gonna watch over the diner? Those rats can't do it by themselves."
"They're gonna be supervised by a bear, but not Fozzie." Said Jenny. "A tall, orange one that acts like Fred Rogers. Besides, I want to be a fashion designer, just like in The Muppets Take Manhattan."
"Jenny?" Asked Rich. "You better find yourself a good man."
"But I already had a good man." She said, and they kissed passionately.
"Awww." Said Fozzie. "I've never seen anything so romantic in years. Don't tell Piggy that." The three of them were about to exit the theater, but then, Rich heard crucial news.
"This is a Muppets News Flash!" Said the Newsman on the screen. "Mad Man Money Industries, Triple M for short, is making a deal with Muppets CEO Kirk Thatcher! He wants to sell Puppetown to Triple M for 200 million dollars, making it one of the biggest real estate deals in New England history!
"That's it!' Exclaimed Rich. "That's the connection!"
Author's Notes: Pops was a character introduced in Season 5 of The Muppet Show. He was the show's stage doorman, and whenever the guest star arrived, he'd ask "Who are you?", regardless of their popularity status.
Gmcpops
The Planet of the Apes musical in this chapter is inspired by the hilarious and ingenious Planet of the Apes spoof in the Simpsons episode 'A Fish Called Selma'.
In The Muppet Movie, until they ran into Gonzo's plumbing truck, Fozzie and Kermit drove around in Fozzie's uncle's Studebaker.
Studebaker full
In The Muppets 2011, after Gary (Jason Segall), Mary (Amy Adams), Walter, and Kermit rounded up all the Muppets, they noticed someone missing: Miss Piggy. Kermit's robot butler pointed out that she was in France, and Fozzie suggested that they should travel by map.
The Fred Rogers-like bear Jenny mentions in this chapter is a reference to the beloved preschool series Bear in the Big Blue House. It was about an orange full-bodied bear named Bear, who was the caretaker of a blue mouse named Tutter, an orange bear cub named Ojo, a green lemur named Treelo, and two purple otter brothers named Pip and Pop.
Busybear
'Bear' would teach valuable lessons for young children, such as the weather, the five senses, the environment, and even potty training. The show proved to be very popular, spawning over 100 episodes, lots of merchandise, live shows, a spinoff series called 'Breakfast with Bear', and even live appearances on talk shows. 'Bear' also won three Emmy awards, and critics even called it the 'Anti-Barney'. While Barney the Dinosaur was loud and childlike, Bear was kind, calm, and fatherly.

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 8

While Rich was washing the feathers off of him after getting the chicken head off, Janice entered the apartment.

"Mr. Jewel?" She asked. "Mr. Jewel. Are you home?" Rich then got out of the bathroom with no shirt on. "You've got the wrong idea, Richard. I'm not a murderer. I'm a pawn in this, just like Fozzie. Can you help me find him? I'll pay you anything."
"I bet you would." Said Rich. "You gotta have the bear to make the scam work."
"No, I love my husband!" Said Janice. "You've got me all wrong. You don't know how hard it is being a woman, looking the way I do."
"I actually have an idea of what it might be." Said Rich. "I've been married to Jenny for five years, now."
"I'm not bad." Said Janice. "I'm just built that way."
"But weren't you playing pattycake with Chuck Beasley?" Asked Rich.
"No, of course, not!" Pleaded Janice. "You were set up to take those pictures."
"What are you talking about?" Asked Rich.
"Thatcher wanted to blackmail Beasley." Explained Janice. "I didn't want anything to do with it, but if I didn't pose for those pattycake pictures, Fozzie would never work in this town again. I couldn't let that happen!" She then wrapped her arms around Rich's left shoulder. "I'd do anything for my husband, Mr. Richard. Anything." Suddenly, Jenny entered the room, and boy, was she mad.
"Some husband you are." She said. "First, I had to watch over that bear, then come home and clean the apartment because someone trashed the place, then had to sleep alone, and now, you're cheating on me?!"
"I think I should go now." Said Janice, and she headed for the exit. After Janice left the apartment, Jenny angrily walked towards Rich.
"What was she doing with her arms around you?!" She demanded.
"Probably looking for a good place to stick a knife." Suggested Rich.
"C'mon, Richie!" She said. "I caught you red-handed!" She then walked out of the building, with Rich following in pursuit.
"Come on, Jenny!" He told her. "Do I look like a guy who would fall in love with a puppet? Besides, she's looking for Fozzie!"
"That's not all she's looking for." Said Jenny, walking towards the diner.
"Now look, Jenny." Said Rich. "Listen to me. I want you to buy a new swimsuit, because we're going to Florida. I'm almost done cracking this case!"
"No you're not, Richie." Explained Jenny. "That's what I came to tell you. I checked the internet at the library yesterday, and Thatcher's not after Puppetown like you thought. It's Triple M that wants to get their hands on Puppetown. They put in the highest bid. Unless Mr. Beasley's will shows up by midnight tonight, Triple M will own Puppetown!"
"At midnight tonight?" Asked Rich.
"That's right." Replied Jenny.
"First they buy the taxi service," Rich started hypothesizing. "Then they want to get their hands on Puppetown. That doesn't make sense." Suddenly, the two of them heard singing.
"That's Fozzie!" Rich and Jenny said together, and the both of them ran to the diner to see what was going on. Little did they know that the Moopets were eavesdropping on them from in the sewers.
"The bear." Said Kermoot. "Get the judge."
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When Rich and Jenny got inside the diner, Fozzie was singing and dancing to 'Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee' from Pinocchio. Infuriated by this, Rich grabbed Fozzie and threw him into the cleaning closet.
"I'm risking my neck out there for you," He explained. "And what are you doing? Singing and dancing!"
"But, Richie!" Said Fozzie. "Those people needed to laugh!"
"And when they're done laughing, they'll call the cops!" Said Rich. "Jared Weisner would rat you out for a buck!"
"Not Jared." Said Fozzie. "He'd never turn me in!"
"Why?" Asked Rich. "Because you made him laugh?"
"That's right." Said Fozzie. "Laughter is the third greatest gift of all. Sometimes, it's the only weapon we have. Laughter is..." Suddenly, Rizzo entered the room through the air vent.
"Tex Coleman is here, so you might wanna stay put." He said, giving them a telescope. "Here. Use this to look outside without being caught."
"Thanks!" Said Fozzie. When Rizzo left the closet, he saw Judge Coleman at the entrance of the diner.
"I'm looking for a murderer." He said, and the Moopets followed. Rich and Fozzie spied on him with the telescope. "A bear! A puppet bear, about this tall." He used Roowlf as a comparison.
"Look," Said Jenny. "There's no bear in here, so stop harassing my customers."
"I didn't come here to harass." Said Coleman. "I came here to reward." He walked over to the whiteboard, which said 'Shredded Olives' on it, grabbed a marker, erased 'Olives' and wrote 'Bear', so it said 'Shredded Bear'.
"I've seen the bear." Said Jared.
"Where?" Asked Coleman.
"He's right here in the diner." Said Jared, placing his hand behind a piece of air. "Say hello, Harry!" Upon introducing 'Harry', everyone in the diner, except for Coleman and Jenny, laughed their heads off. Coleman then looked at the CD player that played 'Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee' earlier. He took the CD out and looked at it.
"'Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee'." He read. "That's an odd choice for background music for a diner." He then smelled the disc. "He's here!" He threw the disc into the air like a frisbee and it landed in Foozie's mouth, which made the Moopets laugh hysterically.
"Stop that laughing!" Coleman demanded, smacking Miss Poogy with his cane. "Have you forgotten what happened last time? If you don't stop laughing, you'll end up dead, just like the Teppums!"
"Say, boss." Said Janooce. "Should we disassemble the place?"
"No, Janooce." Said Coleman. "Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The bear is going to come right to me. Does anyone have a honey-flavored ice cream cone?"
"I'll get one, boss!" Said Kermoot, who barged into the kitchen to look in the fridge for honey ice cream. He found one and gave it to Coleman.
"Free honey-flavored ice cream!" He declared. Back in the closet, Fozzie overheard the judge and was very tempted to have a taste of the ice cream.
"Fozzie, no!" Said Rich, restraining the bear from leaving the closet.
"I can't help it, Richie!" Said Fozzie. "I'm a bear!" He ran out of the closet to get the ice cream, only to get caught by Coleman. Kermoot then noticed Rich in the closet.
"Hey, Judge." He said. "What should we do with the stowaway?"
"We'll proceed to him later." Said Coleman, holding Fozzie by the neck. "Right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me the Puppet Shredder!" Roowlf then brought over the Puppet Shredder and turned it on. "Does the bear have anything to say before he becomes a bearskin rug?"
"You're a judge, right?" Fozzie asked. "Don't I have a say in this?" Coleman just choked Fozzie and brought him closer to the Shredder. This was when Rich had an idea. He went into the kitchen and got some root beer.
"Hey, Tex!" Said Richard. "Doesn't a dying bear deserve a last request?"
"Like what?" Asked Fozzie.
"I think you want a drink." Said Rich, pouring root beer into a glass. "How about it, Judge?"
"Well, why not?" Asked Coleman, placing the bear on a stool and turning off the Shredder. "I don't mind delaying the execution." Rich then handed the glass to Fozzie.
"Richie, no!" Pleaded Fozzie. "Remember what happened the other night? Why not the honey ice cream?"
"Seems like the other bear already got it." Said Rich, looking at Foozie lick the ice cream cone. "Drink the root beer!"
"But I don't want the drink!" Pleaded Fozzie.
"He doesn't want the drink." Said Coleman.
"You do want the drink!" Said Rich.
"I don't!" Said Fozzie.
"You do."
"I don't!"
"You do."
"I don't!"
"You do."
"I don't!"
"You don't."
"I do."
"You don't!"
"I do!"
"You don't!"
"Listen," Said Fozzie. "When I said I do, it means I do!" He guzzled down the root beer, and after a few seconds, let out a long burp that bought Richard enough time to fight some Moopets. After Fozzie finished burping, Rich grabbed the bear and ran outside.
Author's Notes: In The Muppet Movie, Fozzie got a honey-flavored ice cream cone at the Bogan County Fair (where they first met Piggy).
Fozzie singing 'Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee' is a reference to him singing the same song in the Rita Coollidge and Kris Kristofferson episode of The Muppet Show.
Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee
The Teppums were alien doppelgangers in The Jim Henson Hour episode 'Outer Space', whose names were basically backwards versions of regular Muppet names. They included Timrek the Gorf, Oznog, and Noel.
Teppums01
Harry mentioned in this chapter is a reference to not Crazy Harry, but Harry the Hipster, one of the first Muppets ever created. He appeared on Jim's prime-time puppet show Sam & Friends, which also had the earliest Kermit puppet.
HarryHipster 250-1-