Monday, February 8, 2021

Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 6

Back at the condo where Richard and Jenny lived, he spotted Rizzo the Rat eating a pretzel stick.

"Rizzo?" Asked Rich. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, are you Richard Jewel?" Rizzo asked back.
"Yeah." Replied the detective.
"I want to tell you about the Beasley murder." Said Rizzo. "Fozzie didn't kill him. I should know! He wouldn't hurt a fly! I tell you, Richie, the whole thing stinks like old cheese. Look at this." He then handed Rich a newspaper, with the headlines saying 'Muppet kills Chuck Beasley'. "The paper says that Beasely left no will. That's a load of baloney! Every puppet knows that Beasely had a will, even if he was a little young. He promised to leave Puppetown to us puppets! That will was the reason he got bumped off."
"Has anybody ever seen this will?" Asked Rich.
"No, but he gave us his solemn oath!" Said Rizzo.
"If you believe that joker could do anything solemn," Said Rich. "That joke's on you, pal!"
"I was just thinking that since you got Fozzie into this mess," Said Rizzo. "You might want to help get him out. I could pay you."
"Save your money for your own private stash!" Replied Rich, grabbing the rat and throwing him down the staircase. Rich then went back inside the apartment to look at the newspaper himself.
"It ain't my fault that the bear got himself in trouble." Said Rich, taking a drink of root beer. "All I did was take a couple of lousy pictures." When he placed his glass on the picture of Beasely and Janice, he saw something sticking out of his pocket. Rich got out his magnifying glass and took a closer look at the picture: It was, in fact, Beasely's will.
"The rat was right!" Said Rich. "Eh, who cares."
"You should care!" Said an ominous yet familiar voice.
"Who was that?" Asked Rich.
"Look in your bedroom!" The voice said. When Rich walked in there, he saw Fozzie Bear! "Uh, wocka wocka?"
"How did you get in here?" Asked Rich.
"Through the window." Said Fozzie. "Bears are good climbers, you know. Anyway, I needed a place to hide, since I'm wanted for murder."
"Does anyone know you're here?" Asked Rich.
"Not a soul!" Said Fozzie. "Though it is shedding season for me." Rich then looked out the window where Fozzie crawled through, and there was a long trail of orange fur.
"With a trail like that," Said Rich, grabbing the bear and walking towards the door. "They'll find you easily!"
"Please, Richard!" Said Fozzie, placing his hand in the doorway. "Don't throw me out! I didn't kill anybody! I swear! I've been framed, can't you see?" Rich then started grabbing Fozzie's legs. "My only purpose in life is to make people laugh!" Rich finally let go, and the bear plopped on him.
"Okay, I admit it!" Said Fozzie, getting off of Rich. "I got upset when you showed me those pictures of Janice, so I rushed over to Cyclia, but she wasn't in her dressing room, so I wrote her a love letter."
"You're telling me that in a fit of jealousy, you wrote her a love letter?" Rich asked.
"That's right!" Said Fozzie. "I know that Janice is innocent, so I wrote this on a nice clean piece of paper. 'What's a three-letter word to describe the perfect wife? Y-O-U!' What do you think?"
"Why didn't you just leave the letter there?" Asked Rich.
"I felt that I should've read it to her in person." Said Fozzie. "So I went home to wait for her, but the Moopets were waiting for me, and that's when I snuck into your window."
"But why come to me?" Asked Rich. "I'm the one who took pictures of your wife."
"But you're also the guy who helped all these puppets!" Said Fozzie, looking at Rich's old files. "This is when you helped the cast of Between the Lions win against a lawsuit with Reading Rainbow! And this is when you helped Kermit and the gang find Clifford, the purple Muppet who looks like a catfish. Everybody knows that when a puppet's in trouble, there's only one place to go: The Jewel Brothers!"
"Not anymore." Said Rich, who was about to take a drink of root beer. Fozzie was about to touch Paul's chair, but Rich then shouted "Get your paws off that chair! That was my brother's."
"Yeah, where is your brother?" Asked Fozzie, looking at a photo of Paul. "He looks so handsome."
"That's it." Said Rich, grabbing the telephone. "I'm calling the cops."
"Go ahead." Said Fozzie mournfully, walking towards the door. "Call the cops. I come for help, and what do you do? You turn me in! So long, and thanks for nothing." When Fozzie closed the door, Rich decided to help him.
"Alright, enough with the crocodile tears." Said Rich, walking towards the door. "I'll help you." When Rich opened the door, Fozzie used a handcuff on Rich.
"Richard Jewel." He said in a voice reminiscent of Bert. "You're under arrest. Wocka wocka wocka!"
"What was that for?" Asked Rich.
"I thought it would be funny." Said Fozzie. Suddenly, both of them heard a car. They looked at the window, and it was the Moopets!
"Aaahhhh!!!" Shouted Fozzie. "It's the Moopets! Hide me, Richie, please!" Fozzie ran into the cupboards to hide.
"Get out of there!" Said Rich, pulling Fozzie out of the cupboards.
"Please don't let them find me." Pleaded Fozzie. "You're my only hope. If the Moopets find me, I might as well become a bearskin rug.
"Open up in the name of the law!" Shouted Miss Poogy.
"What are we gonna do, Richard?" Pleaded Fozzie" What are we gonna do?"
"How long can you hold your breath underwater?" Asked Rich. Soon, Miss Poogy punched the door down, but no one seemed to be in Rich and Jenny's apartment.
"Looks like they gave us the slip, huh, Poogy?" Asked Foozie.
"Nah." Said the pig. "Jewel's got him stashed somewhere." Poogy then walked over to the sink, and saw Rich with his hands in the sink. Fozzie was in there. "Hold it right there!"
"Hello boys." Rich greeted casually. "I didn't hear you come in."
"I'm a woman!" Shouted Poogy, walking towards Rich with a gun. "Now where's the bear?"
"Haven't seen him." Said Rich. "Unless you're talking about the one with the black hat." Poogy then looked at the sink.
"What's in there?" She asked.
"I'm washing my underwear."  Answered Rich.
"Disgusting!" Said Poogy. When her back was turned, Fozzie popped his head out of the sink to spit out some water. This made Poogy suspicious.
"Search the place, fellas!" She said. "Leave no stone unturned!" The other Moopets then started looking through the apartment. "Look, Jewel. We have a reliable source of information, the bear is here. So cut the bull crud."
"You keep talking like that," Said Richard, grabbing a bar of soap. "And I'll have to wash your mouth out!" He shoved the soap into Poogy's mouth, and it made her fall to the ground, and the other Moopets laughed at her. When Poogy tried speaking, bubbles came out.
"Stop that laughing!" She demanded, spitting the soap bar at Foozie. This made the Moopets laugh harder.
"Stop that laughing!" Demanded Poogy, smacking Kermoot and Janooce with a plunger. "Want to know what happens when you don't stop laughing?" Roowlf was still laughing, however, but Poogy threw the plunger at him like a dart. "One of these days, you'll die laughing." She then walked towards Rich. "As for you, Jewel, step out of line, and we'll hang you and your laundry out to dry. Come on, you losers! Let's blow this pop stand!" When the Moopets left, Fozzie poked his head out of the water.
"They're gone." Said Rich.
"Thank you so much, Richard!" Said Fozzie. "How could I ever repay you?" He then gave Rich a tight hug. "Bear hug. Wocka wocka!"
"Let's see if Jenny can help us." Rich suggested.
Author's Notes: Fozzie's love letter in this chapter is actually a real Valentine's Day card that was created in 1979.
For those unfamiliar, Between the Lions was a puppet show (but not a Muppet Show) that ran from 2000 to 2010. It was about a family of lions who owned a library, and the show encouraged preschoolers to read. The show was basically Sesame Street if it focused on literacy. Some of the books on the show were either real books, such as Dr. Seuss' Because a Little Bug Went Ka-Choo!, I'll Fix Anthony by Judith Viorst (author of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day), and Pete's a Pizza by William Steig (author of Shrek!). Other books were made especially for the show, such as The Queen Who Wanted to Touch the Moon, Cliff Hanger, and Fun With Chicken Jane.
Paul Jewel is named after Paul Henson Jr., Jim Henson's older brother. He unfortunately died in 1956 due to a car accident, at the age of 34.

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