Who Framed Fozzie Bear Chapter 1

Before we start, here's a word from Joe the Legal Weasel.

The Muppets and Star Wars are owned by The Walt Disney Company.

Sesame Street is owned by Sesame Workshop and HBO.

Fraggle Rock is owned by The Jim Henson Company.

Lamb Chop is owned by Universal Studios and the Estate of Shari Lewis.

Charlie McCarthy is courtesy of the Estate of Edgar Bergan.

Between the Lions is owned by WGBH.

The Muppet Show theme. Written by Jim Henson and Sam Pottle. Courtesy of Walt Disney Records.

The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down. Written by Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin. Courtesy of Harms Inc.

Hey a Movie! Written by Joe Raposo. Courtesy of Walt Disney Records.

Any relations to people living or dead is coincidental.

This concludes our word from Joe from Legal.

It was September 2019 in New York City. In a world where humans and puppets live with one another, the Muppets resident comedian Fozzie Bear was trying to juggle pies, but he can't seem to catch any of them. This is where our hero, hard-boiled detective Richard 'Rich' Jewel, was visiting the Muppets Studios (not the Muppet Theater) so he could get a $100 check from Muppet CEO Kirk Thatcher. When Richard entered the office, he was watching a pilot for Muppets NOW, but had to pause it so he could talk to the detective about his assignment.

"What do you know about show business, Mr. Jewel?" Thatcher asked.

"Only there's no business like it, no business I know." Replied Rich.

"And no business more expensive." Said Thatcher. "I'm over budget on Muppets NOW, and want to know why?"

"The bear can't catch any pies?" Asked Rich.

"Exactly!" Said Thatcher. "We baked over 50 pies, and Fozzie couldn't catch a single one of them. Read this." He then handed Rich a newspaper.

"'Electric Mayhem bandmember Janice quit the music business to marry less-than-stellar comedian Fozzie Bear.'" Rich read. "Hey, I thought Janice was dating Floyd Pepper!"

"Not in this story." Said Thatcher. "Anyway, I want you to follow Janice to take pictures of her to stir up the bear with."

"Forget it." Said Rich, who had a prejudice towards puppets because of an event that happened years ago. "I don't work for Puppetown."

"What's wrong with Puppetown?" Asked Thatcher. "Every Tom, Dick, and Harry loves Puppetown!"

"Then get one of them to do the job, cause I ain't going." Replied Rich, who started walking away, but Thatcher grabbed him.

"That's fine." He said. "You don't have to go to Puppetown. Have a seat, Jewel." Rich sat down on a chair. "The bear's wife sings at a joint called Cyclia. No puppets allowed, and strictly humans only! How about it, Mr. Jewel?" Richard walked behind Kirk Thatcher's desk to get a bottle of root beer.

"It'll cost you a hundred bucks." Replied Rich.

"A hundred bucks?" Asked Thatcher. "That's ridiculous!"

"So is the job." Replied Rich.

"All right." Said Thatcher, handing Rich a check for $50. "You get your hundred bucks. Have a drink."

"Don't mind if I do." Said Rich, and he poured himself a glass. He peeked out the window, and there were two men carrying a cage with pink and purple aliens inside. However, one of the men dropped it, and the aliens, who were literally connected to one another, started playing a strange song. As Rich was watching mildly amused, a large, brown, and furry pachyderm blocked his view.

"Hello." Said the pachyderm, and Rich hid under a chair.

"No need to be alarmed." Said Thatcher. "It's just Snuffleupagus."

"I know who it is." Said Richard.

"I got him on loan from Joan Cooney." Said Thatcher, grabbing a cookie from the pantry. "Him and 50 other Muppets from Sesame Street. And the best part is, they work for cookies."

"Cocoanut, please!" Said Snuffy.

"Already on it!" Said Thatcher, extending his hand to the window. Snuffy used his trunk to grab the cookie, ate it, and walked off.

"Well, I don't work for cookies." Said Rich. "Where's the other fifty?"

"Take some pictures of Janice, and I'll give you the other fifty." Replied Thatcher.

"Deal!" Said Rich, and he walked out of the studio to ask his wife Jenny for a camera.

Author's Notes: Richard Jewel is named after Muppet writer Jerry Juhl and puppeteer Richard Hunt. Hunt's many characters included Scooter, Statler, Beaker, Sweetums, and Janice on The Muppet Show, the Two-Headed Monster, Forgetful Jones, Gladys the Cow, and Don Music on Sesame Street, and Junior Gorg and Gunge on Fraggle Rock. He unfortunately died in 1992 at the age of 40 due to AIDS.

Cyclia was a night club that Jim Henson proposed during the mid 60s that would've been a peak into the year 2000. Henson envisioned that the walls, floors, and ceiling of the club would be broken into faceted, crystal-like shapes onto which films would be projected—completely immersing patrons in a sea of images, choreographed precisely to the volume and type of music being played. Once an hour, a woman in a white leotard would rise from a pedestal in the center of the floor to have film projected on her body as she danced. It would be, as Henson proposed, a very fashionable place, with "a definite prestige atmosphere and as such [the cover charge] would be expensive." Cyclia would've looked like this.

The pink and purple aliens in this chapter are the Fazoobs, who appeared in the Steve Martin episode of The Muppet Show. These strange characters would play each other like instruments, and according to The Muppets Character Encyclopedia, are unpopular on both Earth and their home planet Koozbane.

For those unfamiliar, Janice was a guitarist in the Electric Mayhem band on The Muppet Show. She also played a nurse on the 'Veterinarian's Hospital' sketches with Piggy and Dr. Bob (played by Rowlf).