Rich and Fozzie ran as fast as they could to the Muppet Studios to find Kirk Thatcher.
"Let's forget it." Said Fozzie. "There's nobody here but them chickens." He then pointed to a chicken coop.
"Is that it, or are you just scared?" Asked Rich.
"Me, scared?" Fozzie asked. "Don't be ridiculous!" He then started biting his fingernails. "When you called Mr. Thatcher, you told him you have the will, but you don't. When he finds out, he's gonna get mad, and might even want to kill you!"
"Okay, you can stay here." Rich told the bear. "Cover my back while I'm inside. If you hear or see anything, squeeze the horn twice." He handed Fozzie a bicycle horn left over from a Muppet project.
"That's a great plan!" Said Fozzie. "Squeeze the horn twice and cover your back! I've been a police officer on The Muppet Show before, so criminals beware!" However, Janice hit him with a frying pan and stored him in the trunk of her car.
Meanwhile, inside Thatcher's office, he was waiting for the will, and he secretly had a sword as a weapon. Rich snuck behind him and tapped his shoulder, making him scream.
"Hi-ho." Rich said. "Richard Jewel here."
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Asked Thatcher.
"You need to have a heart before you can have an attack." Replied Rich.
"Do you have the will?" Asked Thatcher, and Rich gave him a piece of paper. However, Thatcher was not pleased.
"'What's a three-letter word to describe the perfect wife? Y-O-U'?" He read. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"No, this is!" Said Rich, grabbing a bottle of seltzer water and spraying Thatcher with it. He then punched the Muppet CEO and pinned him to the ground.
"What are you gonna do to me?" Asked Thatcher.
"I'm going to listen to you spin the Triple M scenario," Explained Rich. "A story of greed, love, and murder. And the parts that I don't like, I'm going to cut out." He pulled out Thatcher's sword and placed it dangerously close near this throat.
"You got it all wrong, Jewel!" Pleaded Thatcher. "I'm a puppet show executive, not a murderer!"
"Everybody has to have a hobby." Said Rich, getting ready to slice Thatcher's throat.
"Alright, I'll talk!" He pleaded. "The truth is I had a chance to sell the Muppets New York division, but Triple M wouldn't buy my property unless Beasley sold some of his! The stubborn smoo head wouldn't sell! So I was going to blackmail Beasley with him and the bear's wife. Blackmail, that's all! I've been around puppets all my life! I don't want to see them get destroyed!"
"Puppets destroyed?" Asked Rich. "Why?" Little did Rich know that a gun was poking through the window.
"If I tell you, I'm a dead man!" Said Thatcher.
"You're a dead man if you don't tell me!" Threatened Rich.
"Unless Beasley's will shows up by midnight tonight," Thatcher explained. "Puppetown will be destroyed to make room for..." Before Thatcher could finish, someone shot him and killed him. Rich skillfully dodged the bullets and looked out the window: It was Janice, and she must've killed Kirk Thatcher! Janice drove off, with Fozzie in tow, and headed straight to Puppetown. Rich grabbed a bicycle (which had a toy gun in the basket) to catch up with Janice, and upon following Fozzie's shedding fur, arrived at the entrance of Puppetown. When he drove inside, Kermit appeared outside the 'O' of the word 'Puppetown'.
Kermit: Welcome to Puppetown, with our very special guest star, Mr. Richard Jewel! Yay!
Annie Sue, Miss Mousey, Rosita, and Mokey Fraggle: It's time to play the music!
It's time to light the lights!
It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight!
Beauregard, Beautiful Day Monster, Telly Monster, and Rowlf: It's time to put on makeup!
It's time to dress up right!
It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight!
Waldorf: Why do we always come here?
Statler: I guess we'll never know.
Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture
Both: To have to watch the show!
Statler: At least that stupid bear won't be on tonight!
Scooter: Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear won't be here tonight, so here's our back-up comedian, Fozzie Pig!
Statler and Waldorf: Oh no!
Fozzie Pig: What do you get when you put sugar on hamburger? Sweet-ish meatballs!
Kermit: To introduce our guest star
That's what I'm here to do!
So it really makes me happy
To introduce to you...
Mr. Richard Jewel! (lights were shown on Rich riding his bicycle) And now let's get thing started
Muppet ensemble: On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational
This is what we call The Muppet Show!
(Gonzo blew his horn, only to have a cannonball shoot out and hit Rich on the head, knocking him unconscious)
When Rich woke up, he was back in Puppetown, which was a hodge-podge of Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, The Neighborhood of Make-Believe (from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood), and more. He saw what appeared to be Janice in the window of a tall building. Rich went inside, pressed a button for the elevator, and was surprised to see who the operator was: Grover.
"Hello, there!" He said. "Lovable little friend Grover here. Do you wish to use the elevator?"
"Yes, please!" Said Rich, as he walked into the elevator. "Top floor, please!"
"Do you want me to count the floors we pass by?" Asked Grover.
"No, thank you." Replied Rich.
"Wise thinking." He said. "Not many preschoolers can count to 450 in one sitting. Make sure to hold onto a railing!" Grover pressed the button with the number 450 on it, and the elevator went up very quickly. After ten seconds, Rich and Grover arrived at the 450th floor.
"Here's your floor, good man." Said Grover. "Have a good day!" Rich walked towards the room where Janice could be and looked through the keyhole. However, it wasn't Janice, but Janooce!
"It worked!" She said. "Time to alert Coleman!" Janooce started chasing Rich throughout the floor. Rich tried to hide himself in a closet, only to find out that there was no floor! Rich started falling, and continued to do so until he grabbed onto a poll. This woke up The Count von Count, and he examined the fingers.
"Look, fingers!" He said, and he started plucking the fingers one by one to count them. "One, one finger. Ha ha ha! Two, two fingers. Ha ha ha! Three, three fingers! Ha ha ha! Four..." When the Count plucked the fourth finger, Rich started falling again.
"Four, four fingers!" Claimed the vampire, giving his signature laugh. "Sorry!" While Rich was falling, he noticed two very famous puppet characters sky-diving together: Kermit the Frog and Charlie McCarthy.
"Hi-ho. Kermit the Frog here." Greeted the amphibian.
"And who are you?" Rich asked Charlie.
"I'm Charlie McCarthy." Said the wooden doll. "I was created back when your parents were kids! Why are you sky-diving without a parachute? You could get killed!"
"Do either of you have a spare?" Asked Rich.
"Uh, Charlie does." Said Kermit.
"Yeah," Said Charlie. "But I don't think you want it."
"I do, I do!" Pleaded Rich. "Give it to me!"
"Okay, sonny." Said Charlie, handing Rich a package. "Whatever you say. Here's the spare."
"Thank goodness." Said Rich, opening the package, but it wasn't a spare parachute: It was a spare tire! "Oh no! Aaaahhhhh!!!!!"
"That was a rotten trick, Charlie." Said Kermit.
"Yeah, but someone had to do it." Charlie snickered. As Rich was about to plummet to his doom, he was caught by Sweetums.
"Why did you catch me?" Richard asked as the ogre placed him on the ground.
"Are you kidding?" He said. "I love you, guys! Go on and find Fozzie. I'll take care of Janooce."
Author's Notes: In the Cloris Leachman episode of The Muppet Show, pigs take over the show and replace all the non-pig characters with pig doppelgangers. Fozzie Bear was replaced with Fozzie Pig, who sounded a bit like Lew Zealand.
Rosita is a Hispanic light blue Muppet on Sesame Street introduced in the early 90s. She was used to teach kids about Hispanic culture and Spanish words.
Annie Sue was Miss Piggy's occasional rival on The Muppet Show. She was younger and more talented than Piggy, but didn't have the feisty personality of the famous pig.
Before The Muppet Show, Kermit's love interest was a mouse named Miss Mousey, who made her debut on The Muppets Valentine Show.
Beautiful Day Monster is a blue rectangular Muppet who first appeared on a sketch on The Ed Sullivan Show, in which he tormented a little girl (who was also a Muppet). He would also appear on The Muppet Show and early episodes of Sesame Street.
Of the five main Fraggles on Fraggle Rock, Mokey was the oldest and most caring of them all. She loved painting, writing in her diary, and meditating, and would serve as the den mother of the group.
Telly Monster is a Sesame Street Muppet who's obsessed with triangles. When he made his debut over 40 years ago, however, he was obsessed with television. They changed him soon after because Sesame Workshop felt that he'd be a poor role model for kids. This what Telly looked like back then...
No comments:
Post a Comment