Meanwhile, Pops and Fozzie had arrived at the Gags Beasely factory entrance.
"Pops," Said Fozzie. "You go get help. I'm going to save Janice!"
"Just be careful, sonny!" Warned Pops, and he drove off to find Sam and Jenny. Fozzie tried going into the factory by door and through the windows, but they were both locked.
"Guess I have to use the chimney." He said. Fozzie climbed up the factory building, walked towards the chimney, tore off the cover, and tried fitting himself down the chimney. However, he was stuck.
"This will take a while." Said Fozzie.
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Back inside the factory, Coleman unveiled his ultimate weapon, which was covered under a cloak.
"Allow me to show you my latest invention." He said, pulling the curtain off to reveal a cross between a lawnmower, a bulldozer, and a wrecking ball. "This is the Mega Puppet Shredder! It slices! It smashes! It plows puppets! With this device, Puppetown will be destroyed in a matter of minutes."
"Won't anyone notice Puppetown's disappearance?" Asked Rich.
"Who would want to know what happened to some talking dolls when they could be riding a rollercoaster?" Asked Coleman. "I am planning on a new theme park based on the most popular sci-fi movie franchise of all time: I call it Star Wars Land. Imagine it. There will be a Dagobah waterpark, a Millennium Falcon rollercoaster, an updated Star Tours, a Cantina restaurant, and yards and yards of meet-and-greet characters, far as the eye can see! My god, it will be beautiful."
"That explains why you killed Beasley and Thatcher." Said Rich. "But why did you buy the taxi service?"
"You're the detective." Said Miss Poogy. "You figure it out!" Suddenly, Fozzie fell on top of Kermoot, and he was angry.
"Alright, everyone!" Said Fozzie, grabbing a sharpened banana. "Nobody move!"
"Put that banana down, you unfunny ursine!" Demanded Coleman.
"That's it, Coleman!" Shouted Fozzie. "Give me another excuse to shove a banana up your ear! We Muppets may act silly, but we're not stupid! We demand justice! The true meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks." Poogy just punched Fozzie.
"Save it for the Judge, bear rug!"
"Tie the lovebirds together and hang them on that hook." Said Coleman, and the Moopets tied up Fozzie and Janice and hung them on a hook 10 feet apart from the Mega Shredder.
"Oh, Fozzie." Said Janice. "You were magnificent."
"Was I really?" Asked Fozzie.
"Better than Mortimer." She replied. As the Moopets got the Mega Shredder ready, Coleman walked over to Rich.
"It's over, Mr. Jewel." He told him, and as he walked away, he slipped on a banana peel, making the Moopets laugh hysterically again. "Stop that laughing! One of these days, you'll laugh yourselves to death!" This gave Rich an idea.
"What should I do with Richard, boss?" Asked Miss Poogy, pointing a gun at him.
"Let him watch his friends get shredded, then shoot him." Ordered Coleman.
"With pleasure." Said Poogy, as the Moopets started giggling maniacally.
"Everything's funny to you, bacon breath?" Rich asked Poogy.
"You have a problem with that, Richard?" She asked.
"No." Said Rich, walking over to an old Vendawish machine. "I just want to tell you about the bear you're gonna shred." He deposited a quarter into the machine, and it started talking.
"Hello." Said Vendawish in a robotic voice. "I am Vendawish. You have deposited a coin, and I will answer any wish you may have."
"Play a silly song for me, please." Said Rich.
"Request granted." Said the machine, and it started playing 'Merry-Go-Round Broke Down'.
"Now, Fozzie is his name." Rich sang. "And laughter is his game. Come on, you dope. Untie your rope, or else, I'm gonna maim." Rich started dancing, and the Moopets started laughing again.
"He's lost his marbles." Said Janice.
"I don't think so." Said Fozzie, as Rich grabbed three bowling balls and started singing again.
"This singing ain't my line." He continued. "It's tough to make a rhyme. If I get stuck, I'm out of luck, I'm..."
"We're running out of time!" Said Janice.
"Thanks." Said Rich, as he threw the balls into the air and failed to catch them each time. This made the Moopets laugh their heads off. Rich then used a pogo stick to bounce into the air and get electrocuted by the ceiling lamp. The Moopets laughed so hard that Roowlf and Foozie literally died laughing.
"Dogs go in and out." Rich continued. "Whales have got to spout. Without that gun, I'll have some fun, and punch you in the..." Vendawish threw a pie at him.
"Stomach!" Said Fozzie.
"Stomach?" Said Poogy. "That doesn't rhyme with spout!"
"No," Said Rich. "But this does." He punched Poogy in the snout, sending her flying as she hit the Mega Shredder and got sliced into fuzzy ham. Poogy's demise made Kermoot and Janooce die laughing.
Author's Notes: I am, in no way, insulting Star Wars fans in this story. I just think that Disney cares more about that property than the Muppets.
Mortimer Snerd is another Edgar Bergan creation. While Charlie McCarthy is a smart Alec, Mortimer is as dumb as a brick, almost like Goofy.
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| Fozzie Bear with Mortimer on The Muppet Show. |
The sharpened bananas in this chapter are a reference to the Crystal Gale episode of The Muppet Show, in which Bunsen and Beaker invent a banana sharpener.
On rare occassions on The Muppet Show, there would be a vending machine Muppet named Vendaface (Vendawish in the Leslie Uggams episode). He would give Muppets face-lifts, but the outcome isn't always what they expect.
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