Rich and Sam soon drove to Chuck Beasely's gag factory, which was right next to Puppetown. Rich couldn't help but notice the chaos in the background.
"What now?" Asked Sam.
"I haven't been this close to Puppetown in a while." Replied Rich. Soon, a boom could be heard, and a blue monkey/turkey-like creature soared through the sky and crashed into a wall. It was Gonzo, the Muppets' resident daredevil.
"What were you doing?" Asked Rich.
"I was being fired through a cannon while citing the Pledge of Allegiance." Said Gonzo, as he collapsed to the ground.
"Come on, Richard." Said Sam. "Let's get this over with." The two then went inside the gag factory, which was also where several failed Muppet Labs inventions were placed. There was an outline of a dead body on the ground with a crashed safe where the head would be.
"Just like a Muppet to drop a safe on someone's head." Remarked Sam. "Sorry, Mr. Jewel. Wait here while I talk to a witness." As Sam walked away into a separate room, Rich decided to follow him, and in the window, he spotted Janice. He lost his train of thought when one of the police officers spotted an old invention.
"Ever seen one of these?" He said, grabbing a pair of earmuffs. "Exploding earmuffs." He placed them on a bust of Ludwig von Beethoven, and it blew up the statue.
"Hey, guys!" Said another cop, holding a whistle. "Ever heard of a bird caller? Well, here's a Pig Caller!" He blew into the whistle, which made a squeal of a pig, and Link Hogthrob rushed over.
"You called?" He asked. Link then looked at Rich. "Didn't you used to be Richard Jewel? Or did you change your name to George Burns?" The pig and police officers all laughed at that remark. Rich ignored that and looked at the safe and saw something orange on the rope it was tied to.
"What's that?" He asked.
"Fur from the bear's paws." Said another officer. Suddenly, Janice appeared from behind Rich and slapped him.
"I hope you're proud of yourself!" She yelled. "And those pictures you took." As Janice stormed off, another group of officers grabbed a bed that carried the body of Chuck Beasely. One of them knocked over a cooler and let out lots of Muppet food, namely fruits and vegetables. As they were running amuck, an officer bumped into the bed, causing Beasely to lose his joy buzzer. As Rich was about to pick up the buzzer, a cane pressed his hand against the buzzer, giving him a shock.
"Ow!" Exclaimed Rich. When he looked up, it was Tex Coleman, newly-appointed judge of Puppetown. His name is actually Tex Richman, but was changed to avoid confusion with Richard Jewel.
"Is this man removing evidence from the scene of a crime?" He asked.
"No, Judge Coleman." Said Sam. "Mr. Jewel was just picking it up for you. Weren't you, Richard?"
"Hand it over." Demanded Coleman.
"Sure." Replied Rich. He extended his hand towards Coleman, but the judge got shocked, instead. "His #1 seller."
"It seems working for a puppet has been rubbing off of you." Said Coleman.
"I wasn't working for a puppet!" Said Rich. "I was working for Kirk Thatcher."
"Yes." Said Coleman. "We all talked to Mr. Thatcher, and he told us the bear became quite agitated when you showed him the pictures. He said one way or another, he and his wife would be happy. Is that true?"
"Do I look like I went to law school?" Asked Rich.
"Be quiet, Mr. Jewel." Said Sam. "Coleman's a judge."
"That's okay, Samuel." Said Coleman. "From the smell of it, I'd say it was the root beer talking. No matter. My men, and women, will find him." Soon, a small golden car drove into the factory, and out came familiar faces.
"Who are those?" Asked Rich.
"Meet the Moopets." Said Coleman. "While the Muppets are bright and optimistic, the Moopets are dark and cynical."
"All right, you pieces of felt!" Said a drag pig. "We're here, and unless you want to get punched, get out of the car!" Soon, other Moopets came out of the car. There were Moopets similar to Kermit, Fozzie Bear, and even Janice.
"This is Miss Poogy." Coleman started, pointing at the pig. "Sham Superstar. This is Kermoot, Fake Frog. Foozie, Bogus Bear. Roowlf, Pretend Pooch. And finally, here's Janooce, Mock Musician. Did you find the bear yet, gang?"
"Don't worry, boss." Said Miss Poogy. "We hung up posters all over the city. We'll find him."
"Do you know where the bear is, Mr. Jewel?" Asked Coleman.
"Yellowstone Park?" He joked. "The Bronx Zoo? A kid's birthday party?"
"I'm surprised you're not being more cooperative, Mr. Jewel." Said Coleman. "A human has been murdered by a puppet. Don't you realize how important that is?"
"Sorry to bother you," Said a voice. "Do you know where the fridge is?" When Coleman looked down, it was an avocado wearing sunglasses.
"Since I had Puppetown under my watch," Said Coleman. "My goal has been to drain the insanity. And the only way to do that is to make puppets respect the law. As Sam is a more serious puppet character, he won't have to be tested." Coleman picked up the avocado and walked over to the back of the Moopets' car.
"How did that gargoyle get to be a judge?" Rich asked Sam.
"Spread hundreds of dollars around Puppetown a couple years back." Explained Sam. "Bought the election." Coleman then unveiled something horrible: A machine that kills puppets!
"What's that?" Asked Rich.
"A Puppet Shredder." Replied Sam. "If you're a puppet and you're downright silly, into the shredder you go."
"I'll catch the bear, Mr. Jewel." Said Coleman. "And when I do, he'll get shredded." He placed the avocado in the shredder, turned it on, and it sliced the fruit until there was nothing left but green felt and stuffing.
"That would make great guacamole, boss." Said Roowlf. "Too bad I can't eat it."
"This isn't a kid's toy, Mr. Jewel." Said Coleman. "This is how we handle things in Puppetown. I'd think you of all people would appreciate that."
Author's Notes: The avocado with sunglasses in this chapter originally appeared in the Pearl Bailey episode of The Muppet Show, where he sat on the balcony with Statler and Waldorf.
In the Phyllis Diller episode of The Muppet Show, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew demonstrated Muppet Labs Exploding Clothes. According to The Muppets Character Encyclopedia, this was why Beaker was introduced.
The Exploding Clothes will appear again in Chapter 13.
Link Hogthrob was a pig who would appear from time to time on The Muppet Show. He was handsome, but not very smart, and is best known for his appearances on the Pigs in Space sketches.
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| Link is the one in the middle. |
The Moopets were doppelgangers of the Muppets that appeared in James Bobin's The Muppets (the 2011 movie). They were a tribute band at the Pechoolo Casino in Reno, Nevada, but were
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| From left to right: Foozie, Kermoot, Miss Poogy, Janooce, and Roowlf. |
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