Steven and Phoebe Chapter 6

Evan chased Steven all around the house until he finally caught Steven in a bag. When Evan let Steven out, he asked "Why didn't you wait at the school? You were supposed to wait there! Steven, do you not understand? Do you want to be taken away?" Steven stood silent. "Answer me!" Evan demanded.
"No!" Shouted Steven.
"No you don't understand?"
"No!"
"No what?"
"No!" Steven fell to the ground and mumbled to himself.
"Sometimes you can be a pain, Steven!"
"Why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?"
"At least the rabbit would behave better than you!"
"You'll like it 'cause it's stinky like you!"
"And quieter!" Steven closed the door.
"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Evan shouted.
"I'm already in my room!" Both Steven and Evan grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.
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A couple hours later, Evan came into Steven's room with an ice cream sandwich shaped like a cat's head. "Are you hungry? I have Cookie Cats." Said Evan.
"We're a broken family, aren't we?" Steven asked sadly.
"No! Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you."
"We're brothers, it's our job. I like you better as a brother than a dad."
"Yeah?"
"And you like me better as a brother than a rabbit, right?" Steven was starting to cry.
"Oh, Steven. Yes I do."
"I hit Lars today."
"You hit him?"
"Before I bit him."
"You bit him? Steven, you shouldn't..."
"People treat me different."
"They just don't know what to say. I'll tell you what: You promise not to get into any more fights and I won't yell at you. Except once in a while." Steven then looked at his camera.
"Oh, my camera's full again! Aren't they beautiful?" Steven asked, pointing to pictures of obese people in his room. Suddenly the power went off. Steven noticed something fall from the sky.
"A falling star! Get out, Evan, I have to make my wish!" Steven kicked Evan out of his room, but he listened to Steven talk to himself.
"It's me again." He said. "I need someone to be my friend. Someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel! The nicest angel you have." 
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Little did Steven know that the 'star' was actually the police cruiser experiment 2-1-3 stole! When she emerged from the remains of the vehicle, 2-1-3 gave a maniacal laugh.
The first creature she encountered was a large green frog. She poked the frog with a ray gun, but it just hopped away. Suddenly, a drop of water fell from the sky and hit 2-1-3. She fired her ray gun into the sky, but then it started to rain. Before she knew what was going to happen next, a truck ran over her.
"What did I run over this time?" Asked the truck driver. "I hope it's not another hamster." He checked under the truck, and an orange stubby arm drooped out.

Author's Notes: The truck driver in this chapter is the one from the Codename: Kids Next Door episode 'Operation: PIANO'. 

The frog in this chapter is Wirt Junior, an amphibian that went by many names in Over the Garden Wall.

Greg (the one with a teapot on his head) holding the frog.

Cookie Cats were a desert that Steven liked in Steven Universe. They appeared in the episode 'Gem Glow'.

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 5

Steven was waiting outside the school building, watching the other kids run out happily. Ms. Baker told him that she called Evan, Steven's older brother, and Steven should just wait on the steps. Steven ignored Ms. Baker's orders and ran off to join Lars and his gang.
When Steven caught up with Lars, Kevin, Belson, and Mitchell, he saw them playing with Guys action figures. Steven asked "Are those Guys?"
"You don't have a Guy." Replied Lars. Steven then pulled out an ugly-looking doll.
"This is Voodoo Guy." Said Steven, and the other kids got grossed out. "I made him. His head's too big, so I pretended a bug laid eggs in his ear, but he is sad because he only has a few days left to..."
The other kids left before Steven finished, so he went home sadly.
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Evan Universe, Steven's older brother with brown hair, scarlet pants, and a red shirt with a blue crescent on it, was running to Steven's school, just to see him gone. Evan rushed home to find Steven, but on his way, he bumped into a car.
"Watch where you're going, stupid head!" Shouted Evan, kicking the car and leaving a dent. Little did he know that the driver was actually their visitor for today: a social worker.
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When Evan finally got home, the front door was nailed shut while Steven was lying on the floor listening to Rocket Man from Elton John.
"Steven, open the door!" Pleaded Evan. "The social worker's gonna be here any minute!"
"Leave me alone to die." Responded Steven, as he turned up the volume on the record player.
Evan stuck himself through the doggy door and tried to unlock the lock, but it was too far away. He then noticed a hammer and tried to pull the nails out, but he could only pull out one nail. Evan got really mad now.
"When I get in there, I'll stuff you in the blender, push purée, bake you into a pie, and feed it to the social worker! Then he'll say 'Mmm, what ingredients did you use?' And I'd say..." Evan was pulled out of the dog door by the social worker. It was a woman with orange hair, a green uniform, a sheriff's hat, and black boots. She also had freckles on her face.
"Love. And good nurturing." Said Evan awkwardly. "So, who are you?"
"The stupid head."
"Oh, sorry about the car."
"It's a rental. I go by the name of Tabes."
"Ms. Tabes. That's a strange name."
"I know. Are you by question the owner of this house?" Asked Tabes.
"Yes." Evan said.
"Then will you please invite me into your house?" Asked Tabes.
"Why don't we stand here and talk?" Asked Evan.
"I don't think so." Replied Tabes
"Okay." Said Evan. "Just wait a minute." Evan tried getting in by using the back door, but it was also locked. Evan then tried the window, and it worked! He went inside, turned off the record player, and unlocked the back door.
"You may come inside now." Evan said, and they both went inside.
"Do you usually leave your brother alone?" Asked Tabes.
"No." Replied Evan, but then there was a crude drawing on the refrigerator of Steven alone. Evan covered it, but then something in a pot on the oven was boiling and bubbling!
"I found that this morning." Said Steven.
"Steven, this is Ms. Tabes." Said Evan, introducing the woman.
"Your knuckles say Dana." Said Steven. "Dana Tabes. You don't look like a social worker."
"I'm a special kind."
"Did you ever kill anyone?" Steven asked.
"We're getting off track. Steven, are you happy?" Tabes asked, while Evan was giving gestures on what to say.
"I'm adjusted, I eat 3 meals a day, look both ways when crossing the street, and get disciplined?" Evan had his hand in a fist by mistake.
"Disciplined?" Asked Tabes.
"Yeah, real good. Sometimes up to 5 times a day! With bricks!"
"With bricks?"
"In a pillowcase." Evan blocked Steven's mouth.
"Okay, that's enough spinning yarn for you! Go along, little brother!" Tabes was not pleased.
"I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have definitely gone wrong." She walked by Steven and saw a book on voodoo and spoons with faces drawn on them. Steven put the spoons in a pickle jar and shook the jar.
"My friends need to be punished." He replied. Tabes handed Steven her phone number.
"Call me next time you're alone. And in case you're wondering, Evan, this did not go well." Tabes said, opening the door with nails flying out.
"You have 3 days to change my mind." She said, and she closed the door and left.

Author's Notes: The Guys Action Figures are from the Steven Universe episode 'Onion Trade'.

It was implied in Regular Show that Muscle Man's real name is Mitchell.

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 4

Meanwhile, on Earth, in an ocean near Beach City in Southwestern Florida, a lionfish was given a peanut butter sandwich. Steven Universe, a young and kind of chubby boy, was swimming with a shoal of fish, a family of dolphins, a small turtle, and a cartoony-looking shark. Steven needed to get to Zumba class before the teacher noticed he was late. However, when he saw an obese man with an egg-shaped head and a huge nose, Steven stopped to take a picture.
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At the school, Melanie Baker was counting how many students there were. There was a teenager with holes in his large ears, a kid with a red cap and a shovel-shaped chin, a larger kid who looked a bit like a Muppet, and a naughty and obese young adult with somewhat greenish skin. However, there was one kid missing: Steven Universe!
In the nick of time, Steven made it to class, but when that round of Zumba ended, the other students slipped on the water that Steven brought in.
"Steven, why are you all wet?" Asked Ms. Baker.
"It's Sandwich Day." Responded Steven. "Every Tuesday, I give Spike a peanut butter sandwich, but today we ran out of peanut butter, but Evan recommended a tuna sandwich. I can't give Spike tuna! Do you know what tuna is?"
"Fish?" Ms. Baker asked.
"IT'S FISH!" Shouted Steven. "If I gave Spike tuna, I'd be an abomination! I was late because I had to run to the store to buy some peanut butter because all we have is stinking tuna!"
Ms. Baker was trying to calm Steven down. "Steven, why is this so important?"
"Spike controls the weather." The other teachers and students were weirded out.
"You're crazy." Replied Lars, the teenager with large ears. Steven exploded and beat up Lars, but Ms. Baker broke up the two boys.
"Guys!" She commanded. "Everyone please calm down!"
"Come on." Pleaded Steven. "I just want to dance. I practiced."
"Steven," Said Ms. Baker. "I think I should call Evan." Lars was looking at his arm.
"I think he bit me." Said Lars, while his friends laughed immaturely.
Author's Notes: The obese man with an egg-shaped head and a huge nose is Harold, Billy's dad in The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. He was almost as stupid as Billy himself.

The small turtle is Lancelot, from the obscure Cartoon Network show Mike, Lu, and Og. He's a bit similar to Snoopy, Charlie Brown's famous dog.

The cartoony-looking shark is Jabber Jaw, a cowardly shark from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of the same name. From what I've been told, it was basically the same as Scooby-Doo except underwater.

For those diehard Steven Universe fans, I am sorry that I made Lars a bully in this story. I am aware that he is now friends with Steven in the show, and even made it to space with him, but when I first wrote this story in early 2015, he was still a bully.
The kid in the red cap with the shovel-shaped chin is Kevin, Eddy's rival in Ed, Edd n Eddy. He had a habit of calling the Eds 'dorks'.

The naughty and obese young adult with greenish skin is Muscle Man from Regular Show. He is best known for his joke and catchphrase 'You know who else (fill in the blank here)? My mom!'

The larger kid that looked a bit like a Muppet was Belson, the pessimistic gameaholic from Clarence (it's his nose that makes Belson look like a Muppet).

The best way to describe Clarence is like a cross between Ed, Edd n Eddy and Hey Arnold! Ms. Baker is also from Clarence. She looks something like this.

The family of dolphins in this chapter is a nod to the dolphin family from the Clarence episode "Zoo".

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 3

"Where is she?!" Harriman yelled.
"She's still in hyperspace. We're calculating her landing point right now." Said Panini. "Squadron 17, Area 51. A planet called E-arth." A picture of the planet then showed up on screen with a red ship that indicates 2-1-3's landing point.
"I want an expert on this planet in here now!" Harriman yelled. He pointed to the ocean and asks "What is that?"
"Water. Most of the planet is covered with it." Answered Slinkman.
"2-1-3 can't survive in water. Her molecular density is too great." Said Mr. Harriman, and everyone was relieved. But then, the camera zoomed in to reveal a beach just a few miles away from the sea.
"No. How much time do we have?" Harriman asked Panini.
"We projected her landing in 6 hours and 45 minutes."
"Very well. We have to gas the planet."
"Hold it! Hold everything!" Yelled an orange, skinny alien with one eye, three legs, and a thick black antenna on his head. "Earth is a protected wildlife preserve. We are using it to rebuild the horsefly population, which I remind you is an endangered species!"
"Who are you, I may ask?" Asked Mr. Harriman. "Are you the so-called Earth expert?"
"Agent Eddward at your service, though I don't know if I would call myself an expert."
"Can't we just destroy the island?" Asked Harriman.
"No, crazy head! The horsefly's favorite food, human beings, have colonies all over that planet!" Responded Double D, handing Harriman a view master.
"Are they intelligent?"
 "No, but very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid hits their planet, they have to begin life all over!"
"How about military forces just landing there?"
"That would be a BAD IDEA! Landing there would cause mass mayhem and plant-wide panic!"
"A quiet capture requires communication with 2-1-3 that we do not posses. Who would you recommend, Mr. Eddward?"
"Does she have a brother? Close grandmother, perhaps?" Mr. Harriman had no choice but to ask Dexter for help.
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Meanwhile, in his cell, Dexter saw himself on the newspaper, referred to as an 'idiot scientist'. Infuriated by this, he shredded the paper and ate some of it. When Mr. Harriman and Eddward, whom we shall nickname Double D, entered the room, Dexter said "She got away?"
"I'm sure this isn't a surprise to you, Mr. Tartovsky." Said Mr. Harriman.
"I have programmed experiment 2-1-3 to be unstoppable." Replied Dexter.
"We are willing to make a trade, Dexter." Harriman proposed. "Your freedom for her capture."
"But I am going to need something to catch her with. Maybe a shot from a plasma cannon would stun her long enough..."
"Plasma cannon granted."
"We have a deal." said Dexter, as he and Harriman shook hands.
"But it's a delicate planet!" Said Eddward. "Who's gonna control him?"
"You will, Mr. Eddward." Double D gulped as Mr. Harriman went down the elevator. Dexter then looked Double D.
"Tell me, my one-eyed friend." Said Dexter. "What pitiful, unlucky, defenseless planet has my monstrosity been unleashed?"
Author's Note: Slinkman is a slug from Camp Lazlo, Joe Murray's successor to Rocko's Modern Life. He is probably best described as Waylon Smithers from The Simpsons as a banana slug.

Panani was a character from a Cartoon Network show called Chowder. The best way to describe it is like a cross between SpongeBob and Ratatouille with a hint of Jim Henson. The character Panini in the show had a huge crush on the titular character Chowder, in a similar manor to Miss Piggy from the Muppets and Helga Pataki in Hey Arnold!

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 2

IM Weasel and IR Baboon brought 2-1-3 to an upside-down chamber and drained some liquid from her ear. Mojo Jojo put the liquid in a jar and put the jar in a fancy machine.

"Uncomfortable? Good." He said. 'These sensors are connected to your DNA. They shoot nothing but you." 2-1-3 bit Mojo on the finger, but then he threatened to shoot her.
"May I remind the captain that he is on duty?" Said Marvin the Martian. Mojo Jojo put away his gun and headed to the captain's quarters, leaving Marvin in charge of guarding the alien.
After a while, 2-1-3 felt bored, so she decided to tease the sensors by drooling and sucking the saliva back up. She continued this process until Marvin shouted "Will you cut that out?" 2-1-3 spat a loogie at the control panel, deactivating the prison and setting her free.

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Meanwhile, in the driver's seat, Mojo Jojo asked Porky Pig and Radicles (pronounced rad-i-cleese) if his finger looked infected. Suddenly, Porky said "Gunfire in the cell bay!" Mojo went back to the prison, only to find out that 2-1-3 escaped and Marvin's helmet was charred. Mojo told the Dinobonoids to capture 2-1-3 and not let him escape. The Dinobonoids chased after 2-1-3, but she managed to escape through the air vent. When they told Mojo Jojo that she escaped, Mojo felt something from above. 
"Now she's heading for the power..." He was interrupted when the lights went off. "Grid."
"I don't think he's on the ship anymore." Said Radicles.
"Confirmed." Said Porky. "He took a pol-pol-pol-police cruiser." They saw 2-1-3 zoom by.
"Of course. She took the red one." Said Radicles. Troops of alien police chased after 2-1-3, and shot off her cruiser's cannon, but she pulled the hyper drive lever in her cruiser, and entered hyperspace.

Author's Notes:  IM Weasel and IR Baboon are from I Am Weasel, a spinoff of Cow & Chicken.

Porky Pig was partners with Daffy Duck in the 1953 Looney Tunes cartoon 'Duck Dodgers in the 24½^th Century'. It was a parody of Buck Rogers, a famous science fiction superhero at the time.

If you're wondering about Daffy Duck, he takes the place of The Ugly Duckling in Chapter 10.

Radicles, or Rad for short, is a blue teenage alien in OK KO who works at Mr. Gar's Bodega. Much like Mordecai and Rigby in Regular Show, he and Enid tend to slack off when no one's looking.

The  Dinobonoids were action figures that belonged to Billy, as well as a TV series, in The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. They had a prominent role in the episode "Toys Will Be Toys".

Steven and Phoebe Chapter 1

Author’s Note: This story takes place AU, meaning Alternate Universe. All the characters on Earth will be human and all the space characters will remain the same as they were before, but two will be changed into aliens.

Viewmaster © William Gruber.

Elton John © Rocket Music Entertainment Group.

Adventure Time © Cartoon Network and Pendleton Ward. Gender-bent characters and Flame Princess created by Natasha Allegri.

Ed, Edd n Eddy © Cartoon Network. Created by Danny Antonucci.

Dexter's Laboratory, We Bare Bears, Steven Universe, Clarence, Regular Show, Samurai Jack, The PowerPuff Girls, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Robot Jones, Cow and Chicken, and all related material © Cartoon Network Studios.

Looney Tunes © Warner Bros. A Time Warner Company.
Zumba ©  Alberto "Beto" Perez.
Lilo & Stitch © Disney.

Evan Universe, Spike the Lionfish, and  Voodoo Guy © Me.
When the words are in italic, in means the characters are singing.
I would like to dedicate this story to Christine Cavanagh, the original voice of Dexter. She passed away in December 2014 from throat cancer.

On the planet Turner, there was a court going on. A giant rabbit walked up to the stand and said "Read the charges."
"Professor Dexter Tartovsky." Said a gorilla with a brain in a glass dome on his head. "You are accused of illegal genetic experimentation."
"We believe you actually created something." Said the rabbit, Mr. Harriman.
"Created something?" Said Dexter, a small pink grub-like alien. "My experiments are only theoretical! Why I'd never, ever..." Suddenly, a large spaceship entered the room and ejected a capsule. When it landed, the capsule broke, revealing a small orange cat-like creature with four arms, a big fluffy head, and long hairs on her back.
"Make more than one." Dexter finished.
"And what do you call that?" Asked Harriman.
"It's a beginning of a new species!" Exclaimed Dexter. "I call her Experiment 2-1-3. She is bullet-proof, explosion-proof, and can think smarter than a supercomputer! She can see through the dark and lift objects 1,000 times her size! Her only instinct is to destroy everything she touches!" Dexter laughed maniacally.
"So it is a monster." Replied Harriman.
"But just a little one." Said Dexter.
"It's a confront to nature!” Said the gorilla. “It must be destroyed."
"Maybe it can be reasoned with, Mr. Mojo." Said Mr. Harriman. "Miss 2-1-3, can you show us any evidence that you are good?" 2-1-3 responded with a naughty joke in some alien language. The audience gasped, Robot Jones vomited, and Harriman said "So naughty!"
"I didn't teach her that." Said Dexter.
"Place that idiot scientist under arrest!" Shouted Mojo Jojo.
"I prefer evil genius!" Said Dexter, before being sucked into a tube.
"As for the abomination, it has no purpose in life." Said Harriman. “Mr. Mojo, bring her to her prison chamber. We’re sending her to a desert asteroid.”
Author's Notes: Planet Turner is named after Turner Entertainment, the parent company of Cartoon Network.
Robots Jones was the protagonist of the obscure series from Cartoon Network Studios 'Whatever Happened To Robot Jones?', which was about a robot attending high school and had a habit of blowing up.

Phoebe's original name, 2-1-3, is named after the air date of the first episode she appeared in, Incidium, which aired on February 13th, 2012.

Movie Review: Matilda

Movie Review: Matilda                                                                                                    5-3-18

 

Warning! This review contains spoilers for Matilda.

Based on the book by Roald Dahl, Matilda is about a young girl named Matilda Wormwood (Mara Wilson). She is born with extraordinary intelligence, and instead of wanting to watch television like everybody else, Matilda prefers to read books. Her selfish and absent-minded parents (Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman) sell cars for a living, but Harry, the father, sells poor-quality quality cars at unfair prices. After gluing his hat to Harry's head as a 'punishment', Matilda gets punished by being forced to watch TV. After an incident with the TV, Harry decides to enroll Matilda at a school, ruled by a very cruel principal named Agatha Trunchbull (Pam Farris). Her punishments range from eating a whole cake in one sitting to being trapped in a room filled with nails. Now, with the help of a very nice teacher named Jennifer Honey (Embeth Davidtz), along with Matilda's secret telepathy, Matilda has to think of a way to drive Ms. Trunchbull out of her own school.

Matilda is an underrated gem that deserves better with likable characters, top-notch acting, effects that rival the live-action Disney movies of its time, and a script that matches the wit of Roald Dahl. Matilda Wormwood is a perfect role model that young girls can look up to.

Matilda learned how to take care of herself when she was only two, is able to walk back and forth from the library, and never ever gets mad throughout the film.

Ms. Trunchbull is also a very threatening and scary villain. Much like Benny Krupp in the Captain Underpants books, Ms. Trunchbull hates children, so much into even attempting to killing them if they misbehave or show signs of enlightenment. Trunchbull is even responsible for killing Mrs. Honey's father so she could steal her house!

If I were to make one complaint, I would say that Matilda's parents and brother can be over-the-top rude and mean at times. Thankfully, though, they don't have that much screen time.

In conclusion, Matilda is a fantastic children's film that will hopefully be enjoyed for years to come.

Rating: Four and a half stars out of five.

PLUS four ribbons