The Retro Nicktoons Talent Show Chapter 7

The next day, everyone arrived back at the theater, which Tommy decided to call the Pickles Theater. Jenny and her ‘sisters’ have been working on renovations for two days now, and it already looked 30% done. Tommy brought Squidward into the building via a plastic bag to show him the talent show in progress. However, he heard a hideous music coming from the orchestra pit. It was the band, composed of Mervis, Dunglap, and Mr. Sunshine from CatDog, Lillian ‘Lil’ DeVille, another one of Tommy’s friends and twin sister of Phil DeVille and temporarily, Heffer Wolfe. Susie Carmichael was getting frustrated at how the band was sounding out of tune.
“I can’t handle this, Tommy!” She said angrily. “This group of farm animals, except Lil, is impossible to work with! If you want to see me, I’ll be on America’s Got Talent! Sorry for my temper. I’m know I’m normally the goody two-shoes friend, but even I have my limits. Anyway, I hope you can find another conductor.”
“Already have.” Said Tommy, revealing the octopus in the bag.
“Is that the squid from SpongeBob?” Asked Susie.
“I’m an octopus.” Said Squidward. “And I will serve as art director and conductor for this talent show.”
“Good luck trying to conduct those guys.” Said Susie, and she left to perform on America’s Got Talent. Tommy then poured Squidward out of the bag and into a glass of saltwater.
“Attention, everyone!” Said Squidward. “I am going to be the conductor for the talent show! Since you will be more evolved than fish and invertebrates, you will probably be more experienced at playing instruments.” Tommy then tapped the glass with his finger.
“When you start art directing,” Said Tommy. “Please don’t plaster your face everywhere.”
“You have my word!” Said Squidward. “Just please don’t shake the glass again. It makes us stressed.”
“Deal!” Said Tommy. “I better tell Cat that, too. And don’t worry! He only eats live-action meat.” Tommy then went to Cat and Dog’s dressing room to check on them.

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In Cat and Dog’s dressing room, Cat was sewing cat faces on the curtains, much to Dog’s dismay.

“Cat!” Said Dog. “We can’t just put cat faces all over the theater. We need to put everyone else’s faces on there, too!”

“If only it were that easy, my friend.” Said Cat. “But I was put in charge of production design, so I get to design whatever I want!” Suddenly, Tommy entered the room and saw the animals fighting.

“Guys, cut it out!” He commanded. “Cat, you may be co-art director of the program, but you still have to abide by my rules! Here’s a book containing art from the old Nicktoons. Use them as reference.” Tommy then handed Cat a book.

“What if I don’t want to?” Asked Cat.

“Then you’ll have to face consequences from my cousin Angelica!” Said Tommy. “However, if you get this done by May 15th, I will give each of you a reward! Cat, you will get a Toon salmon filet fresh from Disney!” Cat salivated when he heard that. “Dog, if you do a good job helping Cat, you will be rewarded a six-foot-long bully stick!”

“Hi-ho diggity!” Said Dog with delight.

“Squidward Tentacles and Rhonda Lloyd will help you out when/if I can get to them.” Said Tommy, and he left to see progress somewhere else in the theater.

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It was 12 PM, and the Chameleon Brothers Chuck and Leon were almost done with their scavenger hunt. They already found Bessie Higgenbottem, Bunsen the Beast, and Sanjay and Craig. Now they just needed to find Swaysway and Buhdeuce from Breadwinners. The reptiles made it to the house of Breadwinners co-creator Steve Borst, and they knocked on the door.

“Hello?” He asked. “Aren’t you those dinosaurs from Rocko’s Modern Life who did many of the jobs on the show?”

“We’re not dinosaurs.” Said Chuck. “We are chameleons.”

“And we want to know where your bread ducks are.” Said Leon.

“Swaysway and Buhdeuce?” Steve asked. “Why, they’re inside! What do you want them for?”

“We want to use them for a dunk tank for our talent show.” Said Chuck.

“Not another Breadwinners hater.” Said Steve. “Please, have a heart. What did these ducks ever do to you?” He then ran off to grab Swaysway and Buhdeuce and show them to the Chameleons.

“Please.” Said Swaysway. “We had enough hatred, both from the Internet and in real life.”

“Yeah.” Said Buhdeuce, giving a sniffle. “If you want to dunk someone, dunk Fanboy and Chum-Chum! Forget what iMDb has to say about us! Those two dorks may have lasted longer, but they ruined Nick’s reputation!”

“Okay.” Said Chuck. “But we need directions to find Fanboy and Chum-Chum.”

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It was now 5:30 PM, and Squidward’s music session has ended for the day.

“Excellent work, everyone!” Said Squidward. “You have all done a fabulous job! However, Heffer Wolfe, you clearly need work. You will have to practice for two hours after dinner!” Suddenly, the Chameleon Brothers burst into the room.

“We are back from our scavenger hunt!” Said Chuck. “You no longer have to torture the cow!”

“I’m a steer!” Said Heffer.

“Same thing!” Said Leon. “We will take Heffer’s place in the band, and the steer may do something else.”

“But I already forget what I’m supposed to do.” Said Heffer.

“Weren’t you in charge of props?” Asked Mr. Sunshine.

“Oh, yeah!” Said Heffer. “I’ll ask Mr. Pickles what I should do next.” He then walked over to Tommy’s office to ask what to do next.

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Meanwhile, Tommy was talking to Jimmy Neutron. Jimmy was telling Tommy that in the past 5 years, people have been choosing streaming services over cable channels.

“According to my research,” Said Jimmy. “In the past five years, live-action human beings have been favoring streaming services, like Netflix and Amazon Prime, over most cable channels. Anyway, I suggest that as well as making the show live, we should also broadcast it live on YouTube.”

“Okay.” Said Tommy. “I’ll call that secretary again to see if he can make those arrangements.” Heffer then burst into the room.

“Mr. Pickles?” He asked. “What can I do next?”

“Please, call me Tommy.” Answered the purple-haired boy. “How about, until props are needed, you be my gofer.”

“But I’m not a gopher,” Said Heffer. “I’m a steer!”

“Not that kind of gopher.” Said Tommy. “A go-fur. It basically means that you’ll be my servant throughout production of the talent show. I’ll pay you $20 a week plus Chokey Chicken each night. How does that sound?” Heffer salivated upon hearing that.

“Deal!” Said Heffer, and they shook hands.
Author's Notes: Susie getting frustrated by the band in this chapter is inspired by Whoopi Goldberg getting frustrated with a calypso band of rats in an episode of Muppets Tonight.

For a long time, I was going to have Swaysway and Buhdeuce from Breadwinners as dunkees in the talent show, but then I decided that the show was overhated, so I decided to include a worse Nicktoon: FanBoy and Chum-Chum.

For those unfamiliar, FanBoy and Chum-Chum is considered by many as the worst Nicktoon ever. It was about two boys, FanBoy (the one in purple and green) and Chum-Chum (the one in orange and yellow), who would dress up as superheroes and drive everyone nuts. Other characters on the show included pre-teen wizard Kyle, hapless convenience store employees Boog and Lenny, Oz Harmounian, who is basically a clone of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons, and Yo, a girl who had an insane crush on Chum-Chum and would treat him like a toy.

The show was basically SpongeBob if it starred humans instead of sea creatures. Pendleton Ward tried pitching what would eventually become Adventure Time to Nickelodeon, but they denied it. Twice. Instead, they picked up FanBoy and Chum-Chum, one of their worst-reviewed shows to date. This was a big mistake they made, as Adventure Time (which was instead pitched to Cartoon Network) became a huge success.

On the more obscure Nicktoon My Life as a Teenage Robot, protagonist Jenny Wakemen (aka XJ-9) discovers that she actually has 'sisters', who were created before Jenny, much like how Stitch's 'cousins' on Lilo & Stitch: The Series were created before him.
Two of these sisters, XJ-4 (the lavender one with four arms) and XJ-8 (the blue bulky one), will appear in Chapters 8 and 9 respectively.