After Helga walked off the stage, she couldn’t believe that everyone loved her poem.
“I can’t believe they loved my poem!” Said Helga. “If Nick picks this up and turns the talent show into a cross-country tour, I’m going to recite all my poems. Thank you, Arnold!”
“You’re welcome, Helga.” Said Arnold. “When the talent show gets picked up, I’m gonna do martial arts that I haven’t done in over 20 years!” The two of them walked out of the way so Eliza Thornberry could walk onto the stage, while Jenny carried a cage containing the animals, covered with a blanket, onto the stage. Gerald walked onto the stage to introduce the next act.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” He said. “You know how some cartoon animals can talk, while others don’t? Well, here’s your chance to here it, no pun intended, from the horse’s mouth! May I introduce to you animal whisperer, Eliza Thornberry!” The curtain rose, and it revealed Eliza and three animals: Abner from Hey Arnold, Spirit from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, and Buttons from Animaniacs.
“To prove we’re not pulling any punches,” Gerald continued. “Jimmy Neutron has put up a close-up camera to show that the animals are actually speaking human words in their own language!” Two large monitors appeared on both sides of the stage. “Miss Thornberry, the stage is all yours.”
“Thank you!” Said Eliza, and Gerald walked off the stage. “Our first animal is Abner, Arnold’s pet pig on Hey Arnold!” She snorted and squealed at the pig, and Abner started talking, though everyone else heard oinking instead.
“It’s a pleasure to be here.” Said Abner, though only Eliza could here. “Hello, everyone. My name is Abner, and I was a pig on Hey Arnold. Since I had the least screen time out of all these chosen animal guests, I’m gonna keep it brief. I did all my stunts on Hey Arnold, as well as the two movies. However, in The Jungle Movie, Arnold didn’t feed me bacon. It was a piece of candied beet.”
“The bacon Abner ate in The Jungle Movie wasn’t bacon!” Eliza translated. “It was a candied beet!” Jimmy rewound the footage of Abner talking, and he was able to decipher what the pig said.
“By Thomas Edison, she’s right!” Said Jimmy, and everyone applauded.
“Next up,” Eliza said. “A dog who would always have to save his human baby, Buttons from Animaniacs.” The audience cheered, and Buttons started speaking.
“It’s a pleasure to be here tonight, Miss Thornberry.” Said Buttons, though everyone heard barking instead. “When I was on Animaniacs, the writers would put me in crazy situations to watch over the troublesome Mindy. One episode would put her in a construction site, another had her in the Amazon Rainforest! And want to know who always ended up getting the blame? Me! If you ask me, they’re ripping off of Roger Rabbit and Baby Herman.”
“He said that the Buttons and Mindy segments on Animaniacs were basically copies of Roger Rabbit and Baby Herman!” Eliza translated. Once again, Jimmy rewound the footage of Buttons talking, and he was able to decipher what the dog said.
“She’s right again!” Said Jimmy and the audience cheered again. “Eliza, bring out the final guest and put your animal talking skills to the test!” As Arnold called Abner and Buttons to walk off the stage, Jimmy focused the camera on Spirit.
“Don’t be shy.” Said Eliza. “We want to hear you talk!”
“Alright, alright.” Said Spirit, though everyone heard neighing instead of talking. “I’m still a bit uncomfortable around humans, even 20 years after Katzenburg started production on my movie, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Some of you in the audience may have even seen it when you were kids. When we worked on Spirit, I did all my stunts, except for when I had to do big jumps.”
“That’s interesting, Spirit.” Said Eliza. “What is your honest opinion on the Netflix-exclusive series Spirit: Riding Free?”
“I hate it!” Said the stallion. “The animation looks more suitable for a Disney Junior show and the plots feel like they came out of American Girl! I wish Jeffrey Katzenburg could return to DreamWorks so he could fix the company. Our new CEO Chris Meledandri wants to make sequels and reboots to every film imaginable, despite Katzenburg’s original intentions to make each film have a different art style and to take animation to areas that have yet to be explored. If not, try getting back Brenda Chapman.”
“That’s enough, Spirit!” Said Eliza. “Time to walk off the stage! We have two more performances to put on!” Eliza walked Spirit off the stage, and Sokka walked on.
“Hey, everybody!” He said. “This is the part of the show where I try stand-up comedy. You know, telling jokes! Anybody want to hear some jokes?” The audience roared with cheer.
“Okay!” Sokka began. “What do you get when you cross a Hippo-Cow with a Turtle-Duck? Milk and quackers!” The audience was silent, though some kids in the audience thought it was funny.
“Okay, here’s a good one.” Said Sokka. “Knock, knock!”
“Who’s there?” The audience asked in an annoyed tone.
“Meow.” Answered Sokka.
“Meow who?” Asked the audience.
“Meow-hoo?” Replied Sokka. “Did someone let a Cat-Owl in?” Once again, the audience was silent.
“Tough crowd.” He said. “Here’s one that will knock your socks off! What would happen if you pitted a Air-Bender against a Fire-Bender? I don’t know, but they’d probably get steamed! Get it? Steamed?” After a few seconds, the audience started laughing a little.
“Here’s a better one!” Said Sokka. “There are two Fire-Benders walking into a tea shop. They spot a female Water-Bender, and one Fire-Bender says ‘She looks hot.’ The other one says ‘But she’s a Water-Bender, not a Fire-Bender.’ The first Fire-Bender then says ‘I meant hot as in pretty, not hot as in steaming!’” The audience then laughed harder then before. “Sorry if it sounds different. I had to censor it to make sure it’s kid-friendly. Now here’s my final joke: What did one Elbow Leech say to another? You suck!” He audience burst out laughing, and one of them threw flowers.
“Marry me, Sokka!” Said a fan girl.
“Sorry, but I already have a girlfriend.” Said Sokka, and he walked off the stage triumphantly.
Author's Notes: All the animals Sokka mentions in this chapter are real animals found in the world of Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Turtle-Duck
Cat-Owl
Elbow Leech
If any of you reading this remember watching Animaniacs, you might remember the baby and dog duo Buttons and Mindy. These two are similar to Roger Rabbit and Baby Herman, as both sketches would have an animal character watching over a human infant who would get into all kinds of shenanigans, a parental figure whose face was never shown, and the animal character always getting the short end of the stick.
One episode of Hey Arnold actually had the titular character learn martial arts. In the episode 'Mugged', after Arnold got mugged by a bully, he seeks advice from his grandmother to learn karate.
After getting bought by Universal in April 2016, Jeffery Katzenburg left DreamWorks to create a streaming service called Quibi. This mobile-exclusive streaming service will include several new shows such as Most Dangerous Game, Flipped, Run This City, and Chrissy's Court.
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