A Loud Legend Chapter 6

As if it were magic, one of the ghosts of the ancestors rose from his grave in the cemetery. He took on the form of a large black rat. Splinter was his name.

"Craigory." Said Splinter. "Awaken." The serpent-shaped oil lamp melted and came to life, revealing a small green snake-like creature. This is Craigory, but he prefers to be called Craig.

"IT'S ALIVE!" He said. "So, tell me what mortal needs my protection, Master Splinter. You just say the word and I'm there. If anyone tries to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine!"

"Craigory!" Commanded Splinter, pointing at statues of various characters. "These are the guardians. They..."

"Protect the family." Said Craig.

"And what do you do, demoted one?" Said Splinter, pointing to an empty spot of which Craig used to sit on.

"I ring the gong." Said the small serpent.

"That's right." Said Splinter. "Now, wake up the ancestors."

"One family reunion coming right up!" Said Craig, and he started banging the gong, waking up many ancestors.

"I knew it! I knew it!" Said Great Grandmother Harriet. "That Lincoln was a troublemaker from the start!"

"Don't look at me." Said a green ghost with a pirate's outfit on. "He gets it from your side of the family."

"He's just trying to protect her father." Said a late aunt.

"But if he's discovered," Said an uncle with an 80's calculator. "Lynnard will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!"

"Not to mention they'll lose the farm." Said a grandfather with a pointy nose and a white mustache.

"Let the guardian bring him back." Recommended a stout ghost with blue skin and overalls.

"Awaken the most cunning!" Said the Flying Dutchman, the green ghost in the pirate suit, picking up Craig and pointing him to a statue of a monster holding his own eyeballs.

"No, the swiftest." Said the pointy-nosed farmer, grabbing Craig and pointing him to a cow-like statue.

"No, send the wisest." Said another green ghost, this one with a bald head, glasses, and a lab coat, who grabbed Craig and pointed him to a statue of a kid with an eggplant-shaped head.

"No!" Said Splinter, and the ghost dropped Craig. "We must send the most powerful of all." He point to a large serpentine statue outside.

"Okay, I get the drift." Laughed Craig, thinking that they meant him. "I'll go." Upon hearing that, all the spirits laughed.
"You don't think I can do this?" Asked Craig. "Watch this." Craig tried breathing fire, but it went out too late.

"You had your chance to protect the Loud family." Said Splinter.

"Your misguidance lead Sheen Estevez to disaster." Said the Flying Dutchman.

"Yeah, thanks a lot." Said a ghost with a disembodied head.

"But he's not even part of this family!" Said Craig.

"That's not the point!" Said Splinter. "The point is we will be sending a real serpent to retrieve Lincoln."

"What?!" Said Craig, insulted by what Splinter said. "I'm a real serpent!"

"You're not worthy of this post!" Said Splinter, throwing Craig out of the cemetery. "Now, awaken the Great Stone Serpent."

"Will you at least get back to me on the job thing?" Asked Craig, but Splinter just threw the gong at him.
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Outside, Craig was angry and upset at what Splinter said.

"Just one chance." He said to himself. "Is that too much to ask? It's not like it will kill you." Craig then made it to the Great Stone Serpent.

"You, Rocky!" Commanded Craig. "Wake up! You gotta go fetch Lincoln!" But the statue didn't move a muscle. Craig then tried a different strategy.

"Come on, boy!" Said the smaller serpent, holding the drumstick in his coils. "Go on! Got get it!" He threw the drumstick like how one would play fetch with a dog, but nothing happened. Craig just crawled up to the statue's face and yelled in its ear.

"Hello?" Asked Craig. "Helllloooo! Hello!" While banging the ear with his gong, the ear of the statue chipped off, and the Great Stone Serpent disintegrated. The only thing that remained was the head.

"Oh, no." Said Craig. "They're gonna kill me."

"Great Stone Serpent," Yelled Splinter. "Have you awakened?" Craig put his head inside the statue's head and held it up.

"Yes, I just woke up!" Said Craig, pretending to be the Great Stone Serpent. "I am the Great Stone Serpent. Good morning! I'll go forth and fetch Lincoln! Did I mention I was the Great Stone Serpent?"

"Go!" Said Splinter. "The fate of the Loud family rests in your coils."

"Don't even worry about it." Said Craig, still pretending to be the Great Stone Serpent. He was starting to lose balance. "I will not lose faith!" Craig then fell to the ground and the head of the Great Stone Serpent landed on him.

"That's just great." Said Craig. "Now what? I'm doomed, and all because Mr. Whitehead decided to take his father's place in the war." Flecko couldn't help but overhear. He flew over to Craig and buzzed.

"Go get him? What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humpty-Dumpty mess, I'd have to bring him back with a medal to get back in the cemetery." This gave Craig an idea. "That's it! I'll make Lincoln a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work!" Craig slithered out of the rubble and into the front yard. Flecko decided to follow him.

"What makes you think you're coming?" Flecko buzzed.

"You're lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you?" Flecko buzzed again.

"What do you mean, 'a loser'?" Craig started chasing Flecko down the sidewalk. "How about I pull one of your antennas off, then who's the loser? Me or you? "

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Meanwhile, in a cave, a whole hoard of forest animals were waiting impatiently for Oonski the Great. Oonski eventually returned with the anhinga on his soldier, and with him, two scouts: a large blue turtle that looked like an armadillo and wore glasses, and a 24-year-old man with orange hair and a hotdog-shaped mouth.

"Oonski the Great." Said the turtle. "I'm nauseous."

"Nice work, gentlemen." Said the beaver, holding the turtle by his neck. "You found the Coon army." The other Ontarian Forest animals just laughed.

"The mayor will stop you." Said the orange-haired lad.

"Stop me?" Said Oonski. "He invited me." He then started choking the human. 
"By building the border, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game." Oonski held his mace dangerously close to Eugene, the unlucky human. He then threw him to the ground.

"Go!" Said Oonski. "Tell Really Really Big Moron to send his strongest armies. I'll be waiting for him." Eugene and Filburt, the turtle, soon ran off. Oonski then focused his eyes on a green rabbit, one of his many soldiers. "Rancid, how many men does it take to deliver a message?"

"One." Said the rabbit, holding an arrow.

Author's Notes: In Rocko's Modern Life, Filburt would have a habit of saying 'I'm nauseous'.

Great Grandmother Harriet is yet another Loud House character, in which she was mentioned by Lucy in the episode 'Changing the Baby'.

The Flying Dutchman is a ghost character from SpongeBob, and he would haunt the characters on occasions. He is voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill Murray's brother.
 

The grandfather with a white moustache and a pointy nose is Colonel Radcliffe Thornberry, Eliza's grandfather in The Wild Thronberrys Movie.

The green ghost with a bald head, glasses, and a lab-coat is Four-Eyed Jack, from the Hey Arnold episode of the same name.

The late aunt and uncle with an 80s calendar are actually no one in particular; I made them up because I was running out of ghost characters.
The guardians in this chapter are cameos of Krumm from Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (the monster holding his own eyeballs), Aapa from Avatar: The Last Airbender (the cow-like creature), and Jimmy Neutron (the kid with an eggplant-shaped head). I was originally going to use Arnold from Hey Arnold, but then I decided to use someone else because Arnold will be referenced in a future chapter.
The stout ghost with blue skin and overalls is The Box Ghost from Danny Phantom.

The green rabbit is Rancid Rabbit, the antagonist in CatDog who runs every single job in the show.