Movie Review: The Muppets (2011) Part 2

Movie Review: The Muppets Part 2                                                                                           9-25-16

Then, in 2011, it all changed: 2011 was a very rough year for movies, both animated and live-action. There were films that year that were either unoriginal, just okay, or downright horrible. Then, on November 23rd of that year, The Muppets appeared on the big screen for the first time in 12 years, in a film simply called 'The Muppets'. It got glowing reviews, introduced a new generation of viewers to the Muppets, and won the Oscar for Best Original Song (Man or Muppet).
Directed by Jason Segall, who happens to be a big Muppet fan himself, The Muppets tells the story of Muppet fan Walter (Peter Linz) and his human brother Gary (Jason Segall). Gary got tickets for a trip to Los Angeles, California so he can get closer with his girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams), but Walter wants to go to LA so he can visit the Muppet Studios. However, when he sneaks into Kermit's old office, sinister oil baron Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) wants to destroy the Muppet Studios so he can drill for oil. Now it's up to Walter to find Kermit and bring the Muppets back together for one last show.
The Muppets works as a film because it has a proper, albeit familiar, story, characters that many people are familiar with, an emotional score from Christophe Beck, some catchy songs, and believable puppetry brought to life through reliable Muppeteers like Dave Goelz, Steve Whitmire, Bill Barretta, and David Rudman. Frank Oz, the original voice and puppeteer of Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, and Animal, was asked if he wanted to return for the film, but he declined on the offer. He felt the script was disrespectful to the Muppets. However, I personally find the sequel, Muppets Most Wanted, to be more disrespectful, but that's for another day. In conclusion, The Muppets is a start-to-finish delight that the whole family can enjoy together.
Rating: The perfect rating of 5 stars.
Plus 5 frogs

Movie Review: The Muppets (2011) Part 1

Movie Review: The Muppets Part 1                                                                                    9-25-16
 
A long time ago, there was a guy named Jim Henson. He brought joy all over the world with a TV series and a string of movies starring his ragtag team of dogs, frogs, bears, pigs, chickens, and whatevers, known as the Muppets. Other projects Jim was involved with during his lifetime included the first 20 years of Sesame Street, the irreplaceable Fraggle Rock, numerous TV specials, and the ill-fated Jim Henson Hour.
Then, on May 16th, 1990, something tragic happened: Jim Henson passed away. Slowly, the Muppets started losing popularity. There were three movies: The Muppet Christmas Carol in 1992, Muppet Treasure Island in 1996, and Muppets From Space in 1999. The Muppet Christmas Carol wasn't a box-office hit like The Muppet Movie, but has become a treasured annual holiday classic. Muppet Treasure Island got lukewarm reviews, while Muppets From Space was a box-office bomb. During this time, there was also a TV series called Muppets Tonight, a bit of a remake of The Muppet Show with lots of new characters, but was missing magic from Muppets writer Jerry Juhl, who was actually still alive during that time.
In 2004, The Jim Henson Company sold the (Muppet Show) Muppets to Disney, while the JHC kept the rights to other projects like The Dark Crystal, Fraggle Rock, and Emmett Otter's Jug-band Christmas. In 2005, the atrocity known as Muppets Wizard of Oz premiered on television. It was a disappointment because it felt like something Jim would never do: There was suggestive humor, references to adult shows that single-digit kids wouldn't know about, and a very awkward cast choice for characters. African-American Ashanti as Dorothy Gale, Pepe the King Prawn as Toto (yet in the real world, he's a crawfish), Kermit the Frog as the Scarecrow, Gonzo as the Tin Man, Fozzie Bear as the Cowardly Lion, and Miss Piggy as all the witches. And these are the flying monkeys.

If I were to cast a Muppets version of MGM's The Wizard of Oz, I would cast Liliana Mumy, (daughter of Bill Mumy, who played Will Robinson on Lost in Space) as Dorothy...

Rufus (the dog from the specials Hey, Cinderella! and The Muppets Valentine Show) as Toto...

Beauregard (the slow-witted janitor on The Muppet Show) as The Scarecrow...

Fozzie Bear as the Tinman (as seen in the Brooke Shields episode of The Muppet Show, even though they were actually doing Alice in Wonderland)...

Sweetums as the Cowardly Lion (I think his personality fits the lion better than Fozzie did)...

Tamanilla (from 1962's Tales of the Tinkerdee  and 1971's The Frog Prince) as The Wicked Witch of the West...

Mildred (the purple goose-like creature on The Muppet Show) as Glinda the Good Witch...

And Dr. Bunsen Honeydew as the Mighty Wizard of Oz, while Beaker would play the unfortunate Wicked Witch of the East (he does has stripy socks, after all).


In fact, I bet I could write a better Muppets version of The Wizard of Oz than that 2005 atrocity.
To be continued in Part 2...

Muppets Inc Epiloge

A few weeks later, Muppets Inc would make a play called 'Put That Thing Back Where It Came Or So Help Me', based on the events that happened earlier in the story. Muppets from all over came to see the play.
"Ladies and gentleman," Said Splurge. "Welcome to this year's company play starring, written, and directed by Marc..."
"And produced!" Said Marc behind the curtains.
"And produced by Marc Fazak..." The spotlight turned off on him and the play soon begun.
Marc: Put that thing back where it came from
Or so help me
Splurge: So help me!
Marc: So help me get by
(Fozzie Bear, Yves St. La Roche, and a Yip-Yip walk out of cardboard doors)
Muppet trio: Put that thing back where it came from
Or so help me
So help me!
Marc: I just gotta cry...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(A baby Poison Cackler dressed up as Boo comes out of a bag)
Baby Poison Cackler: Boo!
Marc: There's a child, there's a child
There's a human child!
(Baby Poison Cackler starts chasing Splurge, Miss Piggy, a Bossman, Pepe the King Prawn, and Gonzo, who's dressed as The Swedish Chef, across the stage)
Running around the restaurant
This is really wild!
What is heaven's name will become of us
To we, who are living in Muppetopolis!
(Finmiddag background falls down)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Beauregard and Lindbergh are dressed up as Lenny and Scooter)
Beauregard: All right, Fazakas! Tell us where the kid is!
Audience: Boo!
Marc: I will never talk. Never!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marc: She's out of our hair
And just when I dare to care
She says 'au contraire'
You're my pair of friends
I love you.
(Bobo starts crying again, but Rizzo tells him to keep it together)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muppet Ensemble: And so we put that kid back
Where she came from
As she helped us to find
A better tomorrow today!
As the Muppets finished singing, they got a standing ovation from the audience.
"Thank you!" Said Marc. "What a night for my mother to be in the audience! Ladies and gentleman, my mom!" Marc's mom was in the audience with a #1 glove on and giving a whistle. "Thank you, Muppetopolis!"
Author's Notes: Yip-Yips, or Martians, were jellyfish-like aliens that appeared on Sesame Street. Fans call them Yip-Yips because all they could say was 'yip, yip, yip, yip'.
 
Unfortunately, I won't have another story to post until December, in which I have a special Christmas story starring Nicktoons characters. However, in the meantime, I will post at least five new movie reviews between now and November 23rd. Also, I plan on doing a bit of a remake of a countdown I did last year in honor Toy Story's 20th anniversary, which starts November 4th.

Muppets Inc Chapter 23

A few weeks later, the scare floor at Muppets Inc got changed to the laugh floor. Instead of scaring the children getting scared, the Muppets would make the kids laugh. That means Muppets that were scare assistants could join in on the fun, too. Marc got back from making a kid from Mississippi laugh his head off by Marc eating a microphone and then burping it out.

"Great job, Marky!" Said Splurge. "You filled your quota on the first kid of the day."

"Not bad, huh?" Said Marc. "Only somebody with perfect comedic timing could produce this much energy in one shot."

"Uh-huh," Said Splurge sarcastically. "And the fact that laughter is ten times more powerful than scream had nothing to do with it." Marc then heard a familiar voice.

"Oh, Googley Bear!" Said Miss Piggy, with her feather boa back on. "Come here." Marc then ran over to Piggy and her boa caressed the green Muppet.

"Did you bring the magazine?" Asked Marc.

"They just delivered a whole box." Said Piggy.

"Let me see it!" He grabbed a wooden box that was left on the counter and opened it. On the magazine cover were Splurge and Marc. Once again, Marc's face was covered, this time by a barcode, but he didn't care.

"I don't believe it." He said. "I'm on the cover of a magazine!"

Gonzo finally got his job at Muppets Inc by making the kids laugh with his crazy stunts. Fozzie's hair grew back, and carried a banana with him. Scooter was free from Lenny's cruelty and was able to join in on the fun. When he opened a door, however, there was a familiar face: It was Kermit!

"Kermit?" Scooter asked. "What are you doing in there?"

"Fozzie threw me in here and the kids were dressing me up like a doll." Said Kermit. "Is the kid gone, yet?"

"Yep, they even shredded her door!" Said Scooter. "In fact, kids aren't toxic at all! You're allowed to touch them now, as long as you keep them entertained."

"Well, can I join you guys?" Asked Kermit. "I promise to never say that number again."

"Sure thing, boss." Said Scooter.

"Boss." Said Kermit. "I like the sound of that."

Splurge looked at all the other Muppets on the laugh floor having fun and being silly. He then looked at the back of his clipboard where he taped that drawing of him and Boo and the piece of wood from her door.

"Hey, Splurge!" Said Marc. "If you got a minute, there's something I want to show you." They walked through the factory, with Splurge's eyes closed, and made it into a secret room. When Splurge opened his eyes, he couldn't believe what he saw! It was Boo's door, and it was repaired.

"Sorry it took so long, pal." Said Marc. He had bandages on his hands from getting so many splinters and cuts. "It was a lot of wood to go through. It only works if you have every piece." Splurge put the piece from his clipboard in an empty crack in the door, and the light on top of the door glowed. He entered the room and saw a familiar face.

"Boo?"

"Splurgie!"

THE END
Author's Notes: The banana Fozzie was holding is a reference to the notorious banana sketch in the Sandy Duncan episode of The Muppet Show.
Mississippi happens to be the birth place of Jim Henson.
This may be the final chapter, but we still have the play: Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me! It will be in the epilogue, which will be posted tomorrow.

Muppets Inc Chapter 22

The threesome finally got a proper quiet place to place Boo's door and return her home.

"Well, so long kid." Said Marc, who then got hugged by Boo. "Go ahead. Go grow up." Splurge then held her hand and walked Boo to her bedroom. She was so happy to be back in her own room and even brought some toys to show Splurge. Some of these included a tiger plush, a fish plush that gurgled when you squeezed it, and a doll with a blue dress and orange curly hair. Before Boo was about to pick up another toy, Splurge picked her up and tucked her in her bed.  He even handed Boo her tiger plush to snuggle with. She pointed to her closet, wondering if there will be any more monsters coming out of her closet.

"Nothing's coming out of your closet to scare you anymore, right?" Asked Splurge. Boo nodded her head yes. "Good-bye, Boo." They hugged one last time before Splurge left and closed the door.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that, the door got shredded.

"None of this ever happened, gentlemen." Gladys said to the CDA agents. "And I don't want to see any paperwork on this." They soon left the room, leaving only Marc and Splurge left in the room. Marc found a piece of wood from the door shredder and gave it to Splurge for safe keeping.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside the building, JP Grosse got locked up in a police car and they drove away. There was a whole group of Muppets watching.

"I bet we get the rest of the day off." Said Beauregard.

"You idiot!" Said Lindbergh. "They're going to shut down the factory!" This made everyone gasp. Marc and Splurge were just exiting the building.

"I'm telling you, pal," Marc told Splurge. "When that wall went up you should've seen the look on JP's face! I hope we get a copy of that tape!" Splurge had a forlorn look on his face.

"Are you all right?" Asked Marc. "Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it! We got Boo home! Sure, we put the factory down the toilet and hundreds of people will be jobless now. Not to mention the angry mob that will come after us when there's no power left, but at least we had some laughs." This gave Splurge an idea.
Author's Notes: The tiger plush is Rugby, the protagonist of the 1986 Christmas special, The Christmas Toy. It had a very similar plot to Toy Story 1, which premiered after The Christmas Toy.
 
The doll with a blue dress and orange curly hair is a character named Apple. She also appeared in The Christmas Toy, in which she was the voice of reason.
 
The fish plush is a nod to Lew Zealand's singing fish used in the Roger Moore episode of The Muppet Show.
 

Muppets Inc Chapter 21

Back in the scare floor, JP was waiting for Marc and Splurge to return. CDA agents were at his side.

"When the door lands in this station, cut the power." He explained. "You'll have the child and the criminals responsible for this whole mess." On the railing, Marc, Splurge, and Boo were still holding onto the door.

"Great." Said Marc. "A welcoming committee. What are we gonna do?" Splurge then thought of a plan.

The door finally landed where JP wanted it to.

"This is the CDA." Said a Muppet. "Come out slowly with the child in plain sight."

"Okay, okay." Said Marc, walking from behind the door and holding the Kermit suit. "You got us and here we are. Here's the kid. I'm cooperating. But before you take us away, I have one thing to say." He pulled a sock out of his mouth and threw it on one of the CDA agents. This caused the other agents to pile on that agent, while another group chased Marc. With the CDA and JP distracted, Boo, who was out of the suit, along with Splurge, grabbed the door and ran to a secret door station. This was however, noticed by JP Grosse. He ran after Splurge with Boo in tow.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Splurge finally made it into the secret room and locked the door. He pulled a door out of the station and placed Boo's door in it. The two entered Boo's bedroom, but JP used a literal battering ram to break the locked door down.

"I think we stopped him, Boo." Said Splurge. "You're safe now." JP then entered the room with an unpleasant look on his face.

"This has gone far enough, George." He said.

"She's home now!" Said Splurge. "Leave her alone!"

"I can't do that! She's seen too much. You both have."

"It doesn't have to be this way."

"I have no choice! Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore."

"But kidnapping children?"

"I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die, and I'll silence anyone who gets in my way!" JP pushed Splurge out of the way and grabbed the child, but it was the wrong one. JP was in the simulation room. The real Boo was hiding behind the bed. The wall then went up to reveal Marc behind a control panel with CDA agents by his side.

"I don't know about the rest of you guys," Said Marc. "But I spotted several big mistakes. Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we?" Marc rewound to the part where JP said 'I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die!' and looped it. The agents then grabbed JP and started dragging him out.

"I hope you're happy, Splurgenson!" Said JP. "You've destroyed this company. Muppets Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their screams now? The energy crisis will only get worse because of you!" JP was finally dragged out.

"Stay where you are." An agent said to Marc and Splurge. "Number One wants to talk to you. A door opened and the two Muppets couldn't believe their eyes: It was Gladys!

"Hello, boys." She said. "Ten years of undercover work were almost wasted when you intercepted that child, Mr. Splurgenson. However, without your help, I never would have known that this went all the way up to JP." Boo then ran up to Splurge. "Now about the girl."

"I just want to send her home." Said Splurge.

"Very good." Said Gladys. She then brought up her walkie talkie. "Bring me a door shredder."

"You mean I can't see her again?"

"That's the way it has to be. I'll give you five minutes."

Muppets Inc Chapter 20

After exiting the bedroom, Marc and Splurge tried to find Lenny and Boo. Splurge spotted them on a green door in the distance. Splurge once again jumped from door to door, while Marc just stayed behind. Lenny soon noticed Splurge and entered the closest he has holding onto. Splurge swung his own door and launched himself into the green bedroom. He saw Boo, but then, Lenny kicked Splurge, who was hanging for his life on the bottom of the door.

"Look at everybody's favorite scare now, you stupid, pathetic waste!" Said Lenny, pressing feet hard against Splurge's hands. "You've been number one for too long, Splurgenson. Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid. Boo then grabbed Lenny by the tail and road on him like a horse. She then grabbed a bat and whacked Lenny with it, turning a different color each time she whacked him. Splurge then got into the room and held Lenny tight.

"Looks like you're out of the job." Said Splurge, while Lenny just gulped.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, Marc opened a door to a trailer near a Florida swamp, waiting for Splurge to chuck Lenny in. He got chucked into the room and got noticed by a human mother and her son.

"Ma, another gecko got in the house." Said the son.

"Another gecko?" Said the mom. "Give me that flyswatter!" The son have her the swatter and whacked Lenny mercifully with it. To make sure he never escapes, Marc and Splurge cracked the light on top of the door.

"Care to do the honors, Marky?" Asked Splurge.

"With pleasure." Responded Marc. He weakly threw the door overboard, and when it fell to the ground, it shattered. The two Muppets decided to return Boo home.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, Boo," Said Splurge, arriving at Boo's door, hanging from the rail. "It's time to go home. Take care of yourself and be a good girl, okay?" When Marc opened the door, however, there was nothing there.

"The power's out." Said Splurge. "Make her laugh again, Marc."

"All right." Said Marc. "I got a move here that'll bring down the house." He did a big jump and landed on a rail. However, Boo didn't see it.

"Sorry, she didn't see that." Said Splurge, removing her hood.

"What?!" Yelled Marc. "What'd you do, forget to check if her stupid hood was up, ya big dope?!"

"Uncle Marc," Said Splurge in a singsong tone. "Try not to yell in front of her. We still need to make her laugh."

"Right." Said Marc. "Hey, Boo, just kidding. Look!" He closed the door on his face, but it didn't please Boo. Suddenly, the door started moving, and it was heading for JP Grosse!

Muppets Inc Chapter 19

"I'm glad you came back, Marky." Said Splurge, who was holding the green Muppet.

"Somebody's got to take care of you, you big hairball." Said Marc. Suddenly, Miss Piggy pounced on Marc. "Schmoopsie-poo, I really can't talk." Splurge grabbed Marc's arm, and Piggy grabbed onto Marc's legs.

"Marcus, if you don't tell me what's going on right now, we're through!" She shouted.

"Here's the truth." Marc explained. "You know the kid they're looking for? Splurge let her in. We tried to send her back but JP Grosse has a secret plot and now Lenny's right behind us and he's trying to kill us!"

"You except me to believe that pack of lies, Marc Fazakas?!" Shouted Piggy.

"Marc Fazakas!" Said Boo, popping up on Splurge's head. Piggy let go of Marc's legs in shock.

"I love you, Schmoopsie-poo!" Piggy then looked behind her and saw Lenny. She knew what to do next.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back on the scare floor, Marc and Splurge finally made it to a door station and called down Boo's door. Before Lenny could catch them, Miss Piggy was talking on the PA again.

"Attention, employees!" She said. "Lenny the Lizard has broken the all-time scare record!" Upon hearing that, a whole hoard of Muppets crowded Lenny.

"Go get 'Em, Googley Bear!" Piggy whispered to herself. Marc, Splurge, and Boo held onto a door and started riding the rail to the door vault. It didn't take long for Lenny to catch up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Splurge, what are we doing?" Asked Marc.

"We have to get Boo's door and find a station." He answered.

"What a plan." Said Marc. "Simple, yet insane!" The two then entered the humongous door vault. It contained every door to every child's bedroom in the world. The door the trio were riding went down like a roller coaster. This caused Boo to scream with excitement, activating nearby doors. The door rail then lead to multiple forks in the road. On top, there were arrows that would point passing doors to their right location. Boo's door went one way, while Marc, Splurge, and Boo went another.

"How are we supposed to get to it now?" Asked Marc. Their door was at a dead end, and Lenny caught up with the trio.

"Make her laugh." Splurge commanded Marc.

"What, Splurge?!"

"Just do it!" Marc grabbed his eyelid and smacked it on his own eye. This caused Boo to laugh so hard that it activated every door in the vault. Lenny was about to catch the threesome, but they escaped through the closet and slammed the door on Lenny. He chased the two Muppets and the child through a tropical beach, Tokyo, Japan, and Paris, France. After exited the French bedroom, Marc and Splurge jumped onto the top of a brown door. However, Lenny appeared on top of the railing, grabbed Boo, and detached the door Marc and Splurge were hanging on to. They both went inside the bedroom before it fell to the ground and shattered. Thankfully, Marc and Splurge made it out through another bedroom, a bedroom door that was in a pile of doors.

Muppets Inc Chapter 18

Back at the scare floor, poor Fozzie was still hairless and wearing a cone, and this time he was holding crutches.

"I know you can do this, Fozzie." Said Kermit, who was by his side. "I picked an easy one for you- in Nepal. Nice, quiet Nepal." Suddenly, Splurge burst through the door and slapped a sock on Fozzie. Before Kermit could say 09-76, Fozzie picked up the frog, shoved the sock down his throat, and threw him into the Nepali bedroom. The bear then continued with his day.

Splurge rushed through the halls looking for Randall's secret lair. He ripped the door open and ran through the lair.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Lenny was strapping Boo to the chair. JP was unhappy with the lizard's deeds.

"Finally." He said. "I never should have trusted you with this. Because of you, I had to banish my top scarer!"

"With this machine, we won't need scarers." Replied Lenny. "Besides, that purple heap of garbage got what he deserved."

"That purple heap of garbage was twice the scarer you will ever be!" Said JP. Lenny just growled, and Scooter started activating the machine. The Scream Extractor started stretching to Boo's head, but before she would have her voiced sucked up, Splurge came to the rescue, broke the machine, and pulled up the latch on Boo's chair, setting her free. He picked up the girl and her card key.

"Stop him!" Commanded JP. Lenny then turned invisible. While Splurge and Boo were attempting to exit the lair, something smacked the monster. Lenny was fighting Splurge while he was invisible. He picked up a scream canister, whacked Splurge with it, and materialized in front of the purple Muppet.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Splurgenson." He said with an evil grin on his face. He turned invisible again and started fighting Splurge again. Boo escaped Splurge's arms and hid in an air vent to avoid what was happening. A snowball then hit Splurge. It was Marc!

"It's not that I don't care about the kid." He said, unaware that Lenny was fighting Splurge.

"Marc, you don't understand." Said Splurge, trying to hit Lenny.

"Yes, I do." Said Marc. "I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think. But you shouldn't have left me out there." Lenny slammed Splurge against the wall and grabbed both of Splurge's arms.

"I'm being attacked!" He exclaimed.

"I'm not attacking you." Said Marc. "I'm trying to be honest. Just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship." Boo crawled out of the air vent and tried to warn Marc about what was happening.

"I know kid." Said Marc. "He's too sensitive." Lenny started choking Splurge. "Splurge, I'm baring my soul here. The least you could do is pay attention!" He threw another snowball, but it hit Lenny instead, who became visible. Splurge hit Lenny and ran off with Boo and Marc.

"Get up!" JP said to Lenny. "There can't be any witnesses."

"There won't be." Said Lenny.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry about what happened to Kermit. These sort of things would happen normally on The Muppet Show.

Muppets Inc Chapter 17

"Oh, I never thought things would come down to this..." Said JP, setting up a door. "Not in my factory. I'm sorry you boys got mixed up in this. Especially you, George. But now we can set everything straight again for the good of the company." A door came down, but it wasn't Boo's door. This one was metal.

"That's not her door." Said Marc.

"I know." Said JP. "It's yours." Lenny materialized and opened a door that led to a frozen tundra. He pushed Marc and Splurge inside and closed the door. When Splurge tried to open the door, there was no factory.

"Boo!" He shouted. He tried slamming it again and again, but nothing happened.

"It's too late!" Said Marc. "We're banished genius. We're in the human world! What a great idea, going to your old pal JP Grosse! Too bad he was in on the whole thing! All you had to do was listen to me, just once! But you didn't, did you?" Splurge didn't say anything. "You're still not listening!" Marc pounced on Splurge and they started rolling down the mountain and fought each other. When they reached the ground, they were greeted by a large Muppet with brown shaggy fur, wrecked clothes, yellow eyes, a unibrow, an orange nose, and a red lower lip.

"Welcome to the Himalayas!" He said. He brought Marc and Splurge to his cave to warm up. Marc was wearing mittens on his hands, feet, and ears.

"Abominable!" Said the brown hairy Muppet. "Do I look abominable to you? Why can't they call me the Adorable Snowman or the Agreeable Snowman? That's why I call myself Sweetums. Would you like a snow cone?" He held a tray of snow cones, but Marc wasn't in the mood. Splurge was sitting at the entrance of the cave, mourning over his past actions.

"Did you see the way she looked at me?" He asked.

"Ah, poor guy." Said Sweetums. "I understand. It ain't easy being banished. Take my buddy, Doglion. When he was banished, he fashioned himself a diaper made from poison ivy. He would wear it on his head like a tiara. He called himself King Itchy. But it won't be so hard for you guys, though. You must be best friends!"

"He's not my friend." Said Marc.

"Oh, I was assuming you were friends." Said Sweetums. "When I saw you out in the snow, I thought you were hugging."

"Look at that big jerk." Said Marc. "He ruined my life, and for what? A stupid kid! Because of you, now I'm stuck in this frozen wasteland!"

"Wasteland? You mean Wonderland!" Said Sweetums. "How about all this fabulous snow, huh? And wait until you see the local village. I haven't even mentioned all the free yak's milk." This caught the attention of Splurge.

"Say that again." Requested Splurge.

"Yak's milk?"

"No, something about a village. Are there kids there?"

"Sure. Big kids, small kids, kids that climb on rocks..."

"Where is it?!"

"At the bottom of the mountain. But it's a three day hike."

"Three days?! We have to get there now!" Splurge hit his head against a wall, making an icicle fall. The icicle landed near a pile of bobsleds.

"You want to go to the village?" Asked Sweetums. "Rule #1: Always, I mean, never go out in a blizzard!"

"We need to get to Boo." Said Splurge, but Marc hit him with a snow cone.

"Boo?! What about us?" Shouted Marc, throwing another snow cone at Splurge. "Ever since that kid came in, you've ignored everything I've said and now look where we are!" He threw another snow cone at Splurge. "We were about to break the record, Splurge!"

"None of that matters now." Answered Splurge.

"None of it matters?" Asked Marc. "What about Miss Piggy? I'm never going to see her again." Sweetums then noticed his tray.

"Would you look at that?" Said Sweetums. "I ran out of snow cones! I'll go out and get some more." After Sweetums left the cave, Splurge started pushing the sled.

"And what about me?" Continued Marc. "I'm your pal. I'm your best friend. Don't I matter?"

"I'm sorry, Marc." Said Splurge. "I'm sorry we're stuck out here. I didn't mean for this to happen. But Boo's in trouble. I think there's a way to save her if we can just go down to that..."

"We?" Interrupted Marc. "Sorry. There's no we this time. You're on your own, this time. If you want to go out there and freeze yourself to death, then be my guest."

Splurge then slid down the mountain on the tiny sled, but he crashed into a rock and broke the sled. However, he noticed the village in the distance, just like Sweetums said.
Author's Notes: In case you forgot...
 
This is what Sweetums looks like. That's Robin the Frog he's holding in his hands.